#I understand we could move onto things with more nuance from here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bobthetacocat · 5 months ago

Text

There's a note on the ground...

This is something I wrote for google-drive-submit, the final capstone in the Susie ARG project, posted on my Tumblr by request. It's a collection of a few thoughts that had crossed my mind since the project ended that I wanted to share. This is something I could talk about for a lot longer, so I promise to not take up much of your time.

I think this is obvious, but the vast majority of things discussed in the Susie ARG do not relate to CCC 12 at all. Susie says as much herself.

This naturally brings up the follow-up question: why do this at all? If none of this matters to the canon, why put so much time and effort into it? And I guess that's a question you can realistically ask of all of SiIvaGunner. Rips take time to become as high quality as they are, right? Why do it at all?

The artistic process is kinda mean like that. It's a lot of hard work for something that feels so… ephemeral. Dust that falls through your hands when moved wrong.

Susie had a few things to say about the channel, the overarching canon, and its people. She said almost everything she desired to say… except she left one straggler she didn't wrap up in time. Kind of a shame really, I think it's one of the more important ones. It's hard to say what that piece would've looked like if it was finished, but after consulting with Susie, I'm sure it would've looked something like this:

"My father said to me that that things tend to repeat themselves, given enough time. Sentience creates understanding, and understanding creates symbols, repetition, abstraction into things we can understand. How fitting, I suppose, that there are plenty of quotes like this…

Have you ever thought about where that lighthouse shows up? It's different every time. To SiIvaGunner it's a landmark of his home, to the AI universe it's a connection to the AI mainframe, to all those other little universes it's one thing or another; and of course, to you it's iconography, a picture to be adapted. Endlessly exploitable, as the deftest symbols tend to be.

I can't help but notice these types of things everywhere… somebody says a random phrase here - "intriguing", "nice", "reverb", there's a million examples - and it manages to travel across the universe and back again. A character talks over here, and their idea shows up somewhere else. Mr. Rental exists in one world, and a place is named after him a universe and half a planet away. Ideas conglomerate, and reform, and repeat; and one domino can add onto what anything means if it's the right time. This isn't a unintended side effect of the system, that's just how these things are here, a world of repeating and combining ideas together.

Then again, in the real world - your world - SiIvaGunner himself is a repetition of symbol, no? His better half. And he, in turn, is a repetition of someone else, who probably was inspired by someone else… so I suppose this was inevitable, in a way."

Out of a morbid curiosity, I decided to go back and look at my first reaction to the release of Prologue and Episode 1 of the CCC in 2016, since I'm lucky enough to still be in that Discord server. It was the kind of reaction you would expect from a 13 year old: making jokes, making unrelated jokes, bad jokes, jokes, so on. But don't misunderstand me - I was excited, and I was glued to the screen.

Fast forward, now - it's 2024. I just turned 21. Episode 11 has finally released, and it's a stellar job, genuinely. I'm in the middle of conceptualizing the Susie ARG, a project dedicated to the nuances of this thing that's been a part of my life for so long... and here I am, making the worst joke ever about how Haltmann couldn't just get Susie with a piano from Super Star Symphony. And putting it onto my pitch document! What am I doing?! Am I stutipd??? I feel like the "what would you tell your past self" thought is pretty cliche, but I'm not sure how I would tell my past self that I'm just doing a higher caliber of the same stupid shitposting he was. I think he'd find it funny, though.

SiIvaGunner's lore has never been the most popular thing on the channel. It feels almost condescending to explain the main reason why in detail - SiIvaGunner's main export is high quality rips. People aren't really coming for the story. But I think there is a second reason worth addressing: SiIvaGunner lore is hard to follow. This is also obvious, but I think the reason it started getting hard to follow is more nebulous and interesting. My current reasoning is that the characters stopped having predetermined story arcs and started living lives, if that makes sense.

Wood Man is patient zero of this. His defection from his predetermined box was relatively simple - an offscreen penchant for movie making. This turned Wood Man, an otherwise dumb side character completely fabricated for the sake of his master's bidding, into, like, a guy. Wood Man & Robbie Rotten turned him into a more complex person, with something from him that we hadn't seen before and he hadn't told anybody. He discussed the time dilation, and everything that implies, and how the world's time moves along. Then he got teleported to The Lost Rip, and the whole predetermined box fell apart completely. He escaped being a dumb side character, and got to do his own thing. He started knowing people offscreen, he started filming more movies, having the chance to hang out and be somebody and mature. He started living. Until… well, you know.

Wood Man's whole deal is emblematic of the tricky thing with the wielding of the passage of time in correlation to real life - the longer time has gone on, the more opportunity our side characters in the SiIvaGunner world have had to live their lives outside of the script and break their boxes. Dr. Andonuts spent so much of his time working, being a character behind the scenes, until he was compelled to come into the light. Joke-Explainer probably spent years wandering Grandiose, doing her own thing, living her life, interacting with people; checking in once a couple of years until we caught up with her for channel host. Haltmann had way more time than he would've to become committed to finding his daughter, and Susie had pretty much her entire existence as a Figment to watch from behind the scenes, until… well, you know.

And it's like, how do you condense that? If your 6 year old nephew turned 15 when you weren't looking, how do you compartmentalize the hundreds of off-screen stories in your brain? You don't, right? These type of things reward being around from the beginning, in a story that has broken its predefined end, and with characters that have had the chance to live autonomously. And that's probably bad for some of the newer viewers, but maybe that's better for some of the characters.

By the tail end of the project, I realized I was a lot like Susie. Not in the literal sense, duh, but in the metaphorical, as a watcher of the story with a lot of opinions, who suddenly got to have those opinions known on the grand stage.

Susie started to sound more and more like me as time went on - or maybe I started to sound more and more like Susie? I'm not sure - as the character got situated in her place. I hope that hasn't been too obvious as you've been reading this document, but it probably has.

Susie and I don't agree on everything. We probably disagree on most things, realistically. But here we had one shared goal - to walk forward with this thing we've been watching for so many years.

All we had to do was try and find the right words.

#siivagunner

43 notes · View notes

distortionbobble · 2 years ago

Text

Royal Flowers Chapter 7

prev | next

series masterlist

pairing: anakin skywalker x fem!reader (poc friendly/coded)

series summary: A long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a certain Jedi by the name of Anakin Skywalker meets you, the current Queen of Naboo and cousin of Padme Amidala, and is tasked with protecting you by pretending to marry you. As a spy, you’ve infiltrated the Separatist ranks and are close to finding out the mastermind behind all of it. The fate of the galaxy is in your hands.

warnings: minors dni! ageless blogs dni! canon-level violence/character death this chapter. series will have eventual smut, and just general warnings.

a/n: i am . baaaaack baby! hope y'all enjoy the chapterio. beta read by the very sweet @sythethecarrot . appreciate her so so much and alll of you for reading and giving this story your time :')

“Are you sure that we need Obi-Wan here, milady?” Anakin asks you, blowing on his clasped fists nervously as you wait for Obi-Wan to reach your chambers. He had sent a message an hour ago, letting you and Anakin know that he had landed in the forests of Naboo and would be reaching the palace soon. “What if it puts him in danger?”

“I understand your concern, Anakin, but we’re in over our heads now,” You hum, looking over the room once more to make sure things are in place. You realize it’s out of nervousness, and wanting to earn the Jedi Master’s respect, and quickly look back at Anakin. “But yes, we need him here, even if it’s just temporary. You’re not as skilled as he is, according to you, with the skill of mind-control, and we can’t risk the Separatists slipping out of your influence and realizing that the Queen’s husband was trying to figure out their plans. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, is unlinked to the palace, and his involvement would not directly jeopardize us. As for him being in danger… I have faith in Master Kenobi’s abilities, and I’m sure that his involvement will be brief, despite the necessity of it.” Anakin nods, grabbing his lightsaber from the depths of his pockets and flipping it in the air anxiously. He nearly drops it when Obi-Wan jumps cleanly onto the balcony, moving quickly to get through the open doors without being seen.

Hello there,” General Kenobi says. His voice immediately lifts a weight off of your shoulders. You knew as soon as you decided to take active action against the separatist while also uncovering their leader, you’d need more help. General Kenobi was the most adept in mind influencing. That, you could use. You couldn’t have done these last few months without Anakin, but it was time to move. And fast.

“Master,” Anakin says, striding to Obi-Wan and enveloping him in a tight hug. He hadn’t realized the importance of Obi-Wan in his life— the younger Jedi Knight’s torturous visions, nightmares of the people he loved dying as he watched helplessly, had stopped when he left, but the certainty of Obi-Wan’s guidance had disappeared with it. And when he was dealing with you and the nuance that your task called for, it certainly wasn’t easy to carry on without Obi-Wan and his gentle guidance.

Not that he listened to Obi-Wan all that much, but it wasn’t about that. He lets go of Obi-Wan reluctantly, knowing that their bond is deeper than words could convey.

“Master Kenobi,” you bow respectfully while Anakin quickly checks the noise dampener. “It’s an honor to have your assistance.”

“It’s an honor to be called. Will you walk me through the plan, milady?” He asks, settling criss-cross on the marble flooring of the room. You sit across from him, and Anakin joins your side instinctually before the puzzled look from Obi-Wan has him shuffling further from you until the three of you form a triangle.

“I was so caught up with the overarching goal that I lost track of the present. While it’s true that I absolutely cannot jeopardize my own mission, I cannot sit back and lose more of my people.” Obi-Wan nods in understanding, tracing circles on his knee as you confess your guilt.

“So you need to know more than what they tell you, and be able to have one of your Ministers know how to countermove without it coming from you,” Obi-Wan confirms.

“Exactly. It shouldn’t be too hard to get that information but I’ll need to know who it is I can trust. I don’t know exactly the scope of your abilities, would you be able to help me figure out which ones I can trust?” At your request, Anakin clicks his tongue, nodding at your request.

“Well, we can’t read minds. What we could do is something along the lines of figuring out what emotions they’re feeling when they talk to you?” Anakin suggests, garnering Obi-Wan’s approving nod.

“And as for getting the information…” you trail off, unsure of what to do now that you knew the Jedi couldn’t read minds.

“Well, there’s a few things we could do,” Obi-Wan processes aloud, something formulating in his head as he considers the options. “What do you know about the leaders of the Naboo Separatist chapter?” He asks. You snort.

“I’ve met their leader, but he’s a total dunce. I truly believe that they chose him because he’s easy to manipulate,” You say. At your words, Anakin lights up, nonverbal communication flowing between him and Obi-Wan. It’s kind of cute, seeing him more in his element. You like the side of Anakin that Obi-Wan brings out. It’s like the older Jedi pushes Anakin to be better— to think things out, to be rational. Something along those lines. But the shift is obvious.

“Easy to manipulate, you say?” Anakin says, an excited look on his face.

“If that’s the case, then there certainly is something we can do,” Obi-Wan says cautiously. “Is there any way I can see the leader in person?”

“I know where he lives,” you say, looking up at the ceiling to avoid making eye contact as you cringe at the thought of him.

“Why do you know where he lives?” Anakin asks suspiciously.

“Because he was once my boyfriend,” You sigh.

~~~

“Baby,” a sleazy voice calls out from the table you just crossed. Arus Dryskan sits in the booth of the low-lit pub, sketchy characters flitting behind you in the shadows. When your eyes meet his, you’re reminded of all those nights you spent with him, tangled up in the sheets. You’re reminded of the good and the bad: the way he’d toy with your emotions and blame you when other men would flirt with you, all the shouting matches, the control that he tried to impose on you. Part of you is affronted by the fact that he’d even dare to call you baby after putting you through all that. But you set it aside, reminding yourself that you’re in control here. He has no power over you.

You relax your shoulders and tell yourself that Anakin’s here, that you will be fine, forcing yourself to inhale and relax as you slide into the vinyl seating. Arus’ arm is thrown carelessly on the back of the seating, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he eyes you up and down.

“It’s been a while, Arus,” You say, reigning in your repulsion and leaning in to gaze into his eyes seductively, batting your lashes and eyeing him up and down. That should work, right? Even when you were together, it was never about the two of you— it was about Arus, about making him feel desired. You never were the most affectionate with him (largely in part because he’s fucking irritating) but you need him to think that you want him. It’s funny, there was a time when you found him quite attractive, but now, the only thing you can focus on is how revolting he is. He rakes one hand through his greasy hair, flashing you that grin that used to work so well on you.

“You’ve done pretty well for yourself, huh, milady? Queen of fuckin’ Naboo,” he says, leaning in to whisper in your ear. The heat of his body feels suffocating next to you, and the mere thought of his touch makes you dig your nails into your palms, trying desperately to regulate yourself before your fear gives you away. “It’s funny that none of these suckers know you’re one of us.” His eyes are conspiratorial, which you can work to your favor. You smile slyly, allowing your fingers to dance on the tabletops as you slide in closer to him.

“Nobody knows I’m here,” you laugh, “Not even my dunce of a husband.” At your words, Arus raises his brows, a big smile spreading across his face. Sorry, Anakin. “I’ve missed you,” you whisper in his ear. Your tone wavers between the truth of your desperation and the practiced smoothness that you used so often when you were with him. Your hand finds its way to his shoulders, resting there as you wait for him to give you some sort of sign.

“What about your dunce of a husband?” He asks you playfully, leaning back.

“You think that nerf-herder could satisfy me the way you do? I played around with him for a while, yes, but he was so boring. Not to mention how much…bigger you are. ” You allow your hand to drift downwards, teasing him through the material of his shirt. He may be a sleemo, but you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t built.

You almost want to roll your eyes when his hand shoots out to grab your waist, pressing you even closer to him as your hand travels from his pecs to his abs. Was he always such a simpleton? A pretty girl bats her eyelashes at him and he goes absolutely dumb. Or stays dumb. He’s not very smart.

“Do you wanna… get out of here?” you ask, your voice a low, seductive hum in his ear. You can practically hear the blood roaring in your ear, the feel of your heart thumping traitorously in your chest and you can only pray that he can’t feel it. Take the bait. Let’s go.

You have to hold back an audible sigh of relief when you hear the clink of his speeder keys as he grabs them, and you, and pulls you out of the bar. You know Anakin’s following closely behind you — Obi-Wan’s already at his house, you just need to make sure that he gets there. If anyone asked at the pub, anyways, they would’ve just seen one of Arus’ usual nightly conquests.

You keep touching his arm as you sit in the speeder and on the way to his house; you need him to be distracted so that he can’t see Anakin following behind you both. The ride there is short but he’s so revolting it feels like a lifetime— he’s telling you about how he blew up a village the other day and found it so funny. You have to force your laughter, but you really just want him away from you. You’re disgusted— the fact that you had ever touched him, had ever been so oblivious to all of him. Back then, he wasn’t so evil— or maybe he was, and he just hadn’t had the chance to show it yet.

In the rearview mirror, you see Anakin cut into the side streets, a shortcut to his place that would work just fine. Arus is too busy talking about himself to notice, as per usual.

“Let me open the door for you, princess,” he says when you pull up to his house. The second he’s unbuckled and standing outside of your door, there’s a soft thunk before he slides on to the speeder, practically falling in your lap as Anakin looks down at him with a glower.

“Thanks, Anakin,” You say, opening the door and throwing Arus out.

“Was it really necessary to be all handsy with him?” Anakin grumbles.

“How else do you think I’d be able to get him here?” You ask, puzzled.

“Still,” Anakin frowns. Is he jealous?

“Oh, don’t worry, my darling husband, you’re still the only man for me,” you confess dramatically, throwing yourself into his arms and snickering when he pushes you off with a scowl. “Moody,” you tease, helping him hoist up Arus and carrying his body through his door.

“Took you both long enough,” Obi-Wan says from inside the house. Once inside, Anakin doesn’t bother carrying him, instead just lifting him with the Force into the little chair and flicking his finger so that ropes bind him tightly.

“Normally, I wouldn’t approve of you using the Force for such a trivial thing, but the Queen looks rather tired from holding him up,” Obi-Wan quips.

“He’s quite heavy, you know,” you chime, sitting down on the ground.

“I think it’s best that you and Anakin wait in the speeder outside,” Obi-Wan says. “It would be bad if he wasn’t influenceable and saw you here with me.” You and Anakin shuffle outside at his order, sitting in Anakin’s speeder as you wait for Obi-Wan to do his thing.

“So… is that your type?” Anakin asks, looking out the speeder, past the dim streetlights to the clear Naboo night sky.

“What?”

“Guys like him.” You look over at Anakin— at his lean structure, deceptively strong and muscular under his robes— and shake your head.

“No. Not anymore, at least. I really only chose him because I wanted to do something for once in my life that wasn’t the order of someone else. I learned pretty quickly that that wasn’t the right idea. He was controlling, obsessive, and just downright mean sometimes.”

“So what is your type?”

“Why do you wanna know so bad?” You ask curiously, propping your feet up on the dash as you study Anakin’s face.

“Well, we’ve got time to kill,” Anakin says, fiddling with the keys to the speeder as he avoids eye contact. He does that when he’s nervous. Why is he nervous? This whole interaction is completely puzzling to you, but you think there’s a way that you can mess with Anakin’s head the way he’s messing with yours.

“Hmm… My type is tall, melodramatic Jedi who go by the name of Anakin Skywalker and are secretly, hopelessly, in love with me,” you tease, leaning over to his seat to pretend to kiss his cheek. He pushes you away with a scowl, glaring at you when you start laughing at his anger.

“Not funny, milady,” Anakin huffs, crossing his arms.

“I thought it was funny,” You grin, pretending to cross your arms and puffing out a breath in mock irritation.

“Stop that.”

“No. Not unless you stop being a child.”

“Why can’t you just answer me honestly?” Anakin asks, a note of seriousness in his voice.

“Anakin…” You sigh, thinking that you have an idea as to what’s going on. Your eyes dart quickly to make sure Obi-Wan’s still inside, then you reach over and put your hand atop his. “If this is about Padme—”

“It’s not,” Anakin grumbles, but you pay him no heed.

“Since this is about Padme leaving you, because I really don’t believe you, will you let me just say one thing? I’m sure she had her reasons. Padme never does anything that she knows would hurt other people unless she thinks it’s totally necessary.”

“I know that,” Anakin says quietly to himself, the metal paneling of his arm rippling as he flexes and looks at you. In his eyes there’s a softness you don’t find very often, one that’s inviting, that makes you want to pretend for maybe a second that this marriage was real.

“You’re perfect, Anakin,” you reassure him, lost in the depths of his eyes. Why is it that you can feel every breath of his as if it’s your own? As though his heartbeat itself matches your own, in total synchrony with every part of you.

“And so are you,” he whispers. You can hear his breath hitch in his throat as he looks at you and you wonder, just for a second, if there’s actually something between the two of you. You can’t be imagining all of this. But it’s over as soon as it started, Obi Wan’s voice snapping the both of you to attention.

“Milady, you’re going to want to hear this,” Obi-Wan says grimly, the slightest of tremors in his hand as he rakes through his long strands. You don’t know him well enough to say, but the way that Anakin perks up at Obi-Wan’s tone tells you that there’s something big. “The Separatists, they’re not just planning on launching military attacks, they’re planning on attacking the food sources; slaughtering and burning the Shaaks, poisoning the water sources. They’ll have a series of attacks and bomb blasts set up to distract the Naboo Military. They’ll stop at nothing.”

“Okay. Okay,” You whisper, brought back to reality. Your fantasies of Anakin in some role that he would never play are blinked away as terror seeps in, tinges your view of the future. “We’ll need to ramp up imports of food, and be prepared to maintain a completely safe distribution of food. I’ll leave it under the charge of someone not at the Capital, as I don’t want the spies interfering with our stores of food. As for the water,” You sigh, your mind turning furiously as you think. It’s all coming to a dead end.

“We can’t let it become like Tatooine, where they have to moisture-farm just to get water,” Anakin interjects coldly. You look over at him to see that distant look in his eyes and you know he’s somewhere else, somewhere horrible. You reach out tentatively to bring him back to you.

“The water will come later, after the food,” Obi-Wan adds quietly. “Dryskan told me when they’d do it all.”

“Is there a possibility that he could have fooled us, at all?” You ask fearfully, hands shaking as you think of more blood under your rule, more blood on your hands. You can’t take it anymore. You can’t let what happened, happen again. Anakin seems to read your mind when he places a heavy hand on your shoulder, nodding silently when you turn your head to look at him. He knows what you’re thinking.

“It can’t hurt to prepare, milady,” Obi-Wan responds. “But not a soul can know of your knowledge of it. They could strike sooner, leaving you no time to prepare.”

“Get enough food to account for a famine without anyone realizing, get the people in danger out before they can be slaughtered, too, and fend against the increasing Separatist attacks. Sounds like it’ll go without a hitch,” You remark dryly, leaning your head back to close your eyes. “There must be something big. It has to be big, if they’re going this drastic. They’re trying to make Naboo an example, once and for all, and that means that there has to be something big coming our way.” The three of you sit in somber silence, hearts in your gut as worry tenses your muscles.

“There’s a list of military attacks as well,” Obi-Wan says, breaking the silence. You reach for a slip of paper hidden within the sleeves of your robe

“We can’t write them down. A paper trail could be fatal,” Anakin interjects, placing a hand on your forearm. “I’ll remember them.”

“You’ll have to act fast,” Obi-Wan responds. “Their next attack is in two days’ time.”

“That’s not enough time to plan a full-scale defense, let alone having to do it all without the Separatists knowing,” you sigh, frustrated.

“We’ll have to evacuate the civilians, then. And quickly. Let the Separatists attack a deserted town,” Anakin suggests. He’s tired of the bloodshed, and you can’t blame him. You imagine that the blood spilled by the Jedi didn’t often involve the blood of the innocents.

“If we go now, we could encourage them to evacuate with enough time,” you respond. It doesn’t take much convincing after that, the three of you shrouded by the night as you drive on in tense silence.

~~~

It’s nearly dawn by the time you arrive at the small town. There’s a feeling lingering in the back of your mind, some anxiety that you can’t give shape to with words. But you’ll be fine, you’re certain; if they find out that you and Anakin are missing, you’ll just lie. An early-morning stroll would fit you and Anakin’s dynamic rather well.

Some of the town’s workforce is up, walking in the dusty roads, illuminated gray by the early morning light. They look at you without suspicion, just a curious indifference. You stop the speeder, donning your palace robes and get out.

“Good people,” you say, your voice unwavering. You need them to believe you, like how they would if it was Padme telling them instead of you. “I come under the order of the palace. The Queen has knowledge of a Separatist plan that puts you all in grave danger. I’ve been sent here to aid you in evacuating; you are instructed to bring what is most important to you, and the palace will compensate and aid in rebuilding efforts should the town face damages.” You hide your nervousness— you can’t help it if they don’t believe you, but you also can’t tolerate another slaughter. Their faces show no signs of doubt, however; the mere mention of the Separatist forces are enough for most of the galaxy to tremble in fear. The chatter of conversation in response to your warning is slow but steady in its growth; the murmurs of people wondering what to bring, fear of the Separatists borne out of the knowledge of their crimes, and finally the concern for their wages.

“S’cuse me, ma’am,” one man says, stepping forward. You feel Anakin step forward in response reflexively, moving to guard you from any threat and for some reason, it brings a flutter to your stomach. “How can we trust that what you’re saying is true?”

“You can’t,” you say, a bitter smile pulling at your lips. “But the risk of not trusting me will lead only to death.”

~~~

“Six months is not enough to hide your thoughts from me, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says to Anakin as they usher the last of the town residents to the speeders, leaving them with the instructions on how to get to the determined shelter.

“I don’t know what you mean, Master,” Anakin mumbles, helping a child up into a speeder as he avoids Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“Anakin…” Obi-Wan sighs. “I am glad you have recovered from your heartbreak with Padme. Don’t deny it, young Skywalker, I have eyes and you’re about as subtle as a bantha with a trombone. And of course, with the current Queen, closeness is only natural. You spend every waking moment with her. But can you trust her?”

“….I don’t need to trust her,” Anakin grumbles, pulling on a loose thread on his shirt.

“But you do. I see it in the way you look at her, Anakin; it’s more than a mission. And when this is over, will you truly be able to let her go entirely?” Obi-Wan refutes. Anakin can’t answer his pointed question— he doesn’t know how to, because the thought of letting you go feels entirely foreign to him now. At his silence, Obi-Wan sighs, moving to stand next to him as they look at the open, deserted town.

“I know what the Jedi Code says about attachments, Master. But this… it feels different. I do not covet her, I do not wish to own her; no, it’s that she shows me those parts of me which I hide. She is similar to me, and forces me to be better. I cannot call it love, nor can I say that I can trust her thoughtlessly, but perhaps it is the Force that brought me to her.” Obi-Wan hums, lost in his own thoughts as he internalizes what Anakin said. Anakin wonders briefly how well it is that Obi-Wan understands his words— after all, only a fool would have missed the dynamic between him and Duchess Satine. But part of him knows that it wasn’t entirely truthful— was it not jealousy that drove him to ask you about Arus? Was it not jealousy that he felt when you mentioned having been with another man? Hadn’t he wanted to rip Arus to shreds the second he saw him touching you? Anakin pushes his feelings down, ignoring the churning in his stomach in the hopes that it’ll go unnoticed by Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan, after a sizable pause, sighs heavily and nods. “Where is the Queen? You should go find her,” he says to Anakin tiredly. For a second, Anakin feels a twinge of guilt— he doesn’t mean to make Obi-Wan feel as though this is a lesson that he must parrot again and again, but it’s not like that with you. He’s not like that with you. But he swallows it, and goes off in search of you.

The sun is bright and beating down on him overhead. It’s been hours since you first began evacuating every soul in the town, instructing them and helping them pack. You’re good and it couldn’t be clearer to him. And if you’re good, he’s good. Maybe that’s why he feels more self assured around you— you and him have so many similarities but you seem to live your life without that internal turmoil that Anakin knew for the past few years a little too well.

As he walks the dusty streets he can hear the telltale sounds of a struggle, the sharp cry of pain which quickens his feet and takes him to the sight of you. He watches, almost frozen in his feet, as you deliver a sharp punch to Reyna’s throat, winding her before you sweep her to the ground in a move that he knows he taught you. A sense of pride fills him before it is overcome with horror— your hands, tangled in Reyna’s hair, slam her skull on the dry, dusty ground over and over again, until her body goes limp. You grab a nearby rock and drive the jagged edge into Reyna’s forehead, a splash of crimson spraying across your face as you look up to meet Anakin’s eyes.

The look lighting up your eyes brings a sense of familiarity within Anakin, that bloodlust that had clouded his judgment all those months ago when he killed the Sand People. Nausea chokes his throat as he remembers that day, sees you mirror what he must have looked like. And through the fog of his revulsion and fear and regret, he realizes that no one can know what happened.

“She saw us evacuating the people from the town, she knew we knew, she was gonna expose us,” You babble, still frozen on top of Reyna’s body. “She never trusted me, she never trusted us, she was going to— we would be dead if I hadn’t done it, she wanted us dead,” You plead, trying to rationalize and explain it all to Anakin. You don’t realize that he understands you perfectly.

“Come on, come on,” he ushers you, getting you away from the body as you begin to shake.

“What did I do, Anakin?” You whisper, trembling hands reaching to the ground as you try to sink away from his grasp.

“No. Look at me. My queen, look at me,” he urges, wishing so desperately that he could take away the horrified look in your eyes. “You didn’t do anything. You haven’t seen her since you were in the palace, after which you and I went on a romantic stroll. How did she find you?” He asks, hands resting on your temples as he tries desperately to bring down your panic. A little feeling of guilt burrows itself within him as he realizes he had never felt this guilty about the people he had killed. Maybe he should have, and that makes him feel worse.

“She— I forgot to take off all my jewelry, and there was a tracker in one of my bracelets,” you whisper, going to rip off the bracelets. “She woke up this morning and we weren’t at the palace, so she checked the tracker and found us here. She didn’t tell anyone, or she would have brought someone else with her.” Anakin nods, stroking your temples with his thumbs. You close your eyes, murmuring his name in a desperate sob, with a sacredness to his name that he’s never truly heard before.

Anakin hoists you away from Reyna’s still-warm body, the heat flowing out of her like rivers that seek you out, staining your hands with more blood. He doesn’t want you to deal with this, but fate has left the two of you with no choice. He can’t use the Force— Obi-Wan’s natural distrust of politicians, spies, whatever category you fit into would only make his opinion of you suffer. He’d be able to sense it instantly. And for some reason, Anakin wants him to approve of you. Desperately so, in fact. So he grabs some tools from the front of a nearby home, using some sort of shovel to dig into the dry dirt of the road. Each thud of the shovel radiates pain up his arm and the metal of his hand creaks and complains, but he hardly notices for the fact that the only thing you’ve been able to say is his name, over and over again. You’ve turned him into your anchor, and he can feel it, the vulnerability, the pain, the fear that you’ve become something that can’t be reversed. It’s the same fear that he feels so often, the same fear that he felt after killing the Sand People. And it’s then that Anakin realizes, startlingly, that he’d do anything for you.

Anything.

#royal flowers series #distortionbobble's fics #my writing #fic #anakin skywalker series #star wars series #star wars fanfic #star wars #anakin skywalker fanfic #anakin x reader #anakin x fem!reader #anakin x f!reader #anakin x you #anakin skywalker x reader #x reader star wars fanfic #anakin skywalker x fem!poc!reader #canon x reader

207 notes · View notes

yesimwriting · 5 months ago

Note

hello, i have a taboo question! what is your opinion on writers writing louis de pointe du lac as bisexual/pansexual for gender neutral/female romantic interests in fanfiction?

i've heard arguments that technically he is bi in the source material and even some people say "if you don't like don't read" but i feel like you might have an opinion on this since you have written platonic louis so well (love you for that there's a lack of louis x fem readers on the internet)

i feel like there are so many heavy/dark themes in fics that i have seen fly and be accepted on this site (don't get me started on dark romance and the romanization of r*pe) and even then people read what they wish to read and i just scroll past what i dont like.

Before I answer this question, I want to say that as a cis female I don't think anyone should consider my thoughts on this "law" or anything. This isn't a topic/discussion that impacts me or a character that represents my community, so just keep that in mind when reading my thoughts on this.

But I'm always willing to share an opinion, so please remember that this isn't me telling anyone what to do or what is or isn't okay <3 I'm just sharing an opinion.

Okay, moving past my disclaimer, I do think that there's a lot of nuance to this question. Personally, I don't see anything inherently wrong with people writing Louis as bi/pan for a gender neutral/fem reader. Mainly because there is source material evidence, but also some of my defense is coming from the fact that all fanfic writers are putting in so much effort/time/thought into producing free content because how much they love a specific work/fandom.

I also think people have grown a little too okay with bashing fanfic writers in general, and I'm not going to add onto that. I've been lucky in that the only comments/asks I've gotten on here have been supportive, but I've seen accounts I really love get some atrocious feedback.

I also think that because fanfics don't impact source material, and because no one is obligated to read every fic in order to participate in a fandom, we should all grow more comfortable with just scrolling past fics we don't like/don't relate to.

This might seem like a contradiction to what I just said, but I will say that while I've never written for Louis x gender neutral/fem reader romantically, I'm the kind of person that when I'm really into a fandom I'll read every fic I can find (unless I think I'll find the fic's material/content triggering or harmful to me obviously), and I've read some Louis x gender neutral/fem reader fics that I've really enjoyed.

Also, before I really started writing for iwtv, i did briefly think about writing a romantic fic for Louis x fem reader, but ultimately decided to put the idea on the back burner for a bit because the bestie reader idea came to me and I liked it a little more and I also didn't want to risk upsetting people lol. I love Louis in all ways though and now feel pretty settled in platonic Louis x reader, so it'll probably just stay an idea for awhile.

However, I do think that it's really important to accurately label/tag your fics so people know what to expect. If you're writing a gender neutral or fem reader, especially when creating fics for a character that's bi/pan, I think it's important to communicate that in the description/tags so that no one reading your fic stumbles onto content that could make them uncomfortable.

I also think that gender neutral fics deserve even more grace because, from my understanding, a primary goal of gender neutral fics is to avoid attaching any gender indicators onto the reader character so that those reading can align the fic with the gender identity they want to associate the fic with.

If you're firmly against Louis x gender neutral/fem reader, that's completely okay too! I don't mind discourse, but there is a real issue with people sending hate to fanfic writers, so as long as you're not commenting/messaging cruel things to someone whose putting so much time and energy into creating content for a fandom, I don't think anyone's opinion is fully wrong.

#opinion posting is scary lowkey #thanks for the ask <3

11 notes · View notes

milkywaydrinker · 1 year ago

Note

Having watched Amphibia and thought it over, I guess I can understand why some viewers interpret Marcy's arc as having unfortunate implications regarding her parents, even if I personally don't see her parents as abusive.

Judging by Braly's statements regarding Marcy's father, the job he took that required his family to move out of state was a big 'opportunity' for him. From the way Braly worded it, Mr. Wu took the job not out of necessity, but because he wanted to, which can easily come across as selfish and uncaring, especially since Marcy's house in L.A. already looked pretty well-off.

With that in mind, I can understand why some would object to Amphibia answering this situation with 'Well, things change and it's healthier to accept it, for good or ill, rather than fight it.' In response, some people are like 'Hold up, why are you just ignoring the way Marcy's dad is acting? Surely the right thing to do is have Marcy's dad realize he never needed this job, appreciate what he already has, and start putting what his daughter wants ahead of his own wants.'

Now, a route like that would obviously clash with a story that desires to end with Marcy accepting the move. But looking back on things, I think one of the biggest reasons it's a shame we don't see Sasha or Marcy's parents is that we never get to see how Marcy's dad viewed his own choices. We see Marcy's reaction to it, but we never get to see his side of things.

I mean, what if Mr. Wu thought he was doing a good thing for his family by taking a job he didn't necessarily need? What if he understood he already lived a pretty good life, but believed that, if there was a chance for him to provide an even better life for his wife and daughter, he should take it?

I think there were ways to explore this that didn't make a villain out of the man and still end with Marcy moving. For example; Mr. Wu could learn it's not inherently wrong to desire more for yourself; what's wrong is ignoring/forgetting the feelings of those you love. Meanwhile, Marcy could learn the same lesson as in canon, with the added understanding that her dad, while making mistakes, genuinely thought he was doing good by her by taking the job. Knowing that, as well as her father apologizing, combined with her accepting that distance and time won't mean she loses Anne or Sasha's friendship, makes her more comfortable going ahead with the move. Mr. Wu could still take the job with Marcy's blessing, while promising to do better by her and make a greater effort to understand her better.

Think there was a missed opportunity for a more nuanced story here, or am I looking too deeply into things?

Sorry for the late reply! I think you're very much onto something here.

As someone whose parents decided to move just like so, this specific aspect of Marcy's story bothered me.

With enough time and perspective, as an adult living on my own, I grew to understand why they decided to do so. Despite that, moving as a neurodivergent child was a really traumatic experience for me. I had great friends in my first school, I had a group of peers who had the same hobbies as me and understood me. After the move, it took me many years (until high school) to get something similar again.

My parents also realized how much this hurt me, and while they couldn't undo the move, they did everything to help me through this time and after a few years apologized to me for their decision.

Showing what Marcy's relationship with their parents looked like, would've helped with actually fleshing out the emotional impact of the story.

(Same with Sasha but that is a whole another can of worms)

In the show, the narrative fails at making its points. It's both pro and anti authoritarian. It's trying to play the "respect your culture, respect your parents, be a good child" card and then calls it all off with adding Andrias and his backstory into the mix. It's not thematically coherent. I love children's media but it requires a delicate balance. It's an art of its own, to make a story that's both thematically cohesive and engaging without being overly scholastic.

Marcy does what she does for a good and valid reason. Sasha and Anne are her support network, people who tolerate her quirks and often indulge her even if they aren't even half as invested in her hobbies as she is. Tearing her out of her safe environment is cruel and hinted to be unnecessary. It's a "Parents know what's best for you so don't fight their decisions" moment. Showing something that would balance it out would have made it less harsh and seemingly cruel.

#amphibia critical #long post #ask #we dont even get to see a lot of her perspective at all but shes a character that many relate to for a good reason #her story feels lackluster because they never added the necessary dimensions to it that would make it pop more

22 notes · View notes

freelancewitchvt · 2 years ago

Text

im gonna respond to criticisms about adventure time that i saw in a twitter thread bc im bored and have feelings and thoughts

the most frequent reply to the thread was that people believe finn’s breakup with flame princess was stupid and, at worst, was an attempt by the female writers to make the male protagonist Finn as dislikeable as possible.

i don’t think i’ve ever met a single fan of adventure time who thinks “yeah that finn the human guy? he sucks. totally dislikeable protagonist.” i have to believe these people simply watched up to this episode and then quit the show. they didn’t see any of the followup. they didn’t watch finn grow up. they didn’t see the episode where finn acknowledges specifically what he did wrong and makes amends with flame princess. i just simply do not understand this criticism.

WHAT SHOW ARE U WATCHING? GO WATCH THE SHOW CALLED “ADVENTURE TIME” AVAILABLE ON MAX AND HULU

ppl won’t shut the fuck up about rebecca sugar even when she’s NOT a show runner

moving onto princess bubblegum. now call me crazy but i’ve always liked princess bubblegum as a character. i also understand where a lot of this criticism comes from and im able to qualify that my affinity towards her character comes with a fair bit of nuance as well as coming from a place of bias via naivete

the idea that the show turns a blind eye to her abuses is absurd to me. the show explicitly shows her hurting characters that we care about, and it in no way is framed as good. it acknowledges her flaws, which is why we the audience are aware of them. and in-universe I think she is quite literally called out by almost every major character lmao does the show punish her enough? well that’s like, an interesting question to ask and a fun way to think about the show and her character. what does princess bubblegum deserve? well we know she got usurped and exiled for some time. that gave her some time to reflect a bit.

now you don’t necessarily have to think of that as a redemption arc. at the very least the show took the opportunity to show us other facets of her character. she can be vulnerable, she can be kind, she can feel remorseful. and she does, like, improve in my opinion. in “The Thin Yellow Line” princess bubblegum has a whole speech condemning her idolization, saying she’s “just a person, like all of you” it’s quite wholesome. It’s further reinforced in “High Strangeness” when she apologizes to tree trunks for trying to colonize space and inadvertently infecting her alien children with candy goo (lmao i know it sounds ridiculous but watch the episode lol) obviously i’m not gonna sit here and be like “princess bubblegum is great and was completely redeemed and a morally exemplary paragon to be revered by all” but like, come on twitter. you’re not at all convincing me here

now im gonna talk about his one!! the animation!! i have a lot of ways i like to think about how the style/animation/tone/format of this show changes over time. the central pillar of these is exactly in line with the shows most prominent theme: growing up. finn ages from 12 to 17 and a lot of what the show explores is the transition from “boyhood” to “manhood” and how it’s messy, nonlinear, painful, joyful, and rich with new experiences. i think the stylistic changes, even if they can also be explained by ward stepping down as showrunner, also reinforce this theme fantastically. if we’re seeing the world through finn’s eyes, of course in his early years things are much more colorful, fantastical, and whimsical. and as he ages, we see the world more clearly, things seem more grounded, more mature. that’s why i can’t really take any criticism in line with this seriously because it’s just too well done it works too dang well. and don’t get me started on how this theme extends to all the other characters. i could literally go on but i’ve already made my point hehe.

i dont have anything to say about this one it’s just funny hehe okay im gonna go now

#adventure time #tweets

7 notes · View notes

qcgencommfinal · 4 months ago

Text

youtube

Who's the Man One?: A Lesson on Gender Presentation (brought to you by Netflix)

This comedian breaks down gender presentation in a very comedic way, saying "I think we need to deconstruct these things to reconstruct them." Throughout this skit she adopts her conservative father's narrow view of gender roles, and proclaims herself "the man one" (the more masculine presenting partner in a queer relationship). She makes the point that gender presentation is a good indicator of which one is the "man one", as typically the one who dresses more feminine wishes to be viewed as the feminine one. She then goes into how she uses this idea of being "the man one" to explain her masculine tendencies, and to chastise her girlfriend. The clip ends with the ironic comment that there "has to be one man one and one woman one like in the bible" to ensure the "balance of energy".

I suppose this clip uses irony as it's primary method of critique, but the joke ends up feeling hollow, as the comedian is still working under the framework of her conservative father by the end of the bit. I thought that this clip may have been a wind-up for some profound statement on gender, as the end of this clip left no closure. So, like the thorough scholar I am, I looked up the whole special, and this really is the end of "the man one" bit. This was disappointing to me when analyzing the clip from a queer theory lens, as it only stands to validate existing gender binaries, and perpetuates notions of what a "proper/common sense" queer relationship looks like. This idea is strongly upheld by Emma saying "You women ones you just talk, you don't listen" and moving onto a joke about how she is offended at the notion of being with another "man one". I understand that it is ironic that Emma ultimately holds similar beliefs to her dad regarding gender, but it doesn't then challenge those beliefs.

I realized I could also analyze it through a feminist lens, and the comedy becomes a bit more accessible. Here the comedy lies in the idea that Emma's father asks about the "man one" while assuming that that person is the more respectable of the two. Then when Emma goes into the list about killing bugs, taking out the trash, and other manly activities/qualities, she adds avoiding conflict to illustrate that manly qualities aren't necessarily desirable.

Still, considering the setup of the scenario has to do with analyzing queer relationships through gender presentation, I hoped it might be a more nuanced critique.

#Youtube

0 notes

bloggergaurang · 6 months ago

Text

The Impact of ChatGPT and AI Tools on Education and Jobs in 2025

AI is everywhere these days, right? From the apps on your phone to the email inbox, it has changed the way we live, learn, and work. No, and I mean no, we’ve not been discussing the cool self-driving car or the cat-scaring robot vacuum. The most impressive AI advancement in recent history has been ChatGPT, and, mark my words- it’s decidedly not a folly chatbot. It aims to revolutionize education and jobs, and, understandably, that could be shocking; so let's buckle up and look at how AI tools like ChatGPT will change the game by the time we reach 2025. What’s the Buzz About ChatGPT and AI?

ChatGPT, which automates the human processing of conversation by understanding and generating human like text. Essentially it’s your super smart digital friend somewhere that’s always there to answer the questions, write your essay, take public notes for you and even offer career advice. It won’t have your back as you wait for your kid’s lunch, but it might have your back so you skip it if you’re stuck on that essay.

ChatGPT is not a new thing, and it’s not a fad, it’s not a passing trend. ChatGPT can do so much in education, in the workplace, everywhere. In education, it’s helping to personalize learning experiences for students, and in jobs, it’s increasing productivity, automating repetitive tasks, yes, and even making your job easier – but it’s not here to fully replace (at least not yet…)How AI is Changing Education

Alright, let’s talk about education. You know that feeling when you’re sitting in a class, and the teacher moves on to the next topic while you’re still trying to figure out what just happened? AI tools like ChatGPT are here to make sure that never happens again.

1) Personalized Learning for Every Student

What if you had your own personal tutor always available, 24/7? No, it’s not a dream, it’s ChatGPT! The AI tool is available to explain complex topics, ask and answer questions and give you help when you need it with your homework. Even AI can help you get going if your brain isn't firing on (wake) all cylinders in the morning (true story!). It’s like a tutor who doesn’t judge you for missing your 8 a.m. class.

No matter what it is you want to learn, ChatGPT’s tailoring of assistance to your speed make it a perfect tool for increasing your knowledge or problem solving. It’s your personal assistant in a world where there is no “one size fits all” about learning.

2) Helping Teachers Work Smarter (Not Harder)

There's a lot for teachers to juggle. She grades papers, she plans lessons, she herds students who sometimes act as if they were ‘just’ sugared up… It’s no easy feat. It is here where AI comes into play. ChatGPT and other AI tools perform some grunt work on your behalf, like grading, putting assignments in order, even providing feedback. It’s kind of like giving teachers a superpower, only without the cape (because, you know: capes in the classroom can be dangerous).

This doesn’t guarantee teachers will be replaced by robots, far from it. Teachers will have more time to focus on what they do best: creating those “aha!” moments, that make learning unforgettable, while engaging with students.

3) Real-Time Help and Access for Everyone

What is life for a student living in a remote village, without quality education? And now consider ChatGPT as your classroom companion, to reach out to whenever you might need. With AI, education is becoming more accessible — even for those in places where access to high quality schooling might be scarce. By the time AI tools like ChatGPT are solidly becoming part of education in 2025, we will have equally accessible education for all the students of the world.

AI in Jobs: The Good, the Bad, and the Opportunities

Okay, now onto jobs. We’ve all heard the rumors: “AI is going to steal our jobs!” While that may sound like something out of a sci-fi movie, the reality is a bit more… nuanced. Let’s break it down.

1) Job Automation – AI’s Efficiency

ChatGPT, though, is really good at repetitive tasks. Imagine the amount of repetitive drudgery you did everyday at work – replying to the same emails, filing information, creating presentations that you just know won’t be looked at. Well, guess what? AI can handle that for you. It’s like an overly qualified intern who needs no coffee break. Customer support chatbot, generating written content, and data analysis are all things that can be handled by ChatGPT with minimum effort.

But here’s the catch: Some of these repetitive jobs will be eventually being taken over by AI. Take, for example, customer service agents, who may be replaced by chatbots; writers, fighting with AI to churn out content. Kind of scary to think about but also kind of fun to think about it in terms of how much more creative, strategic time we’ll have.

2) Creating New Jobs with AI

But don’t worry yet – that same AI won’t be just taking jobs away. It’s also creating them. As more and more industries incorporate AI people who are able to create, manage, and maintain the system will be in high demand. You could be designing the next AI tool or training a chatbot to handle customer inquiries, like tracking late deliveries.

By 2025, industries such as tech, healthcare, marketing, and finance will have more need than ever for AI professionals. Therefore, if one is thinking of changing career or upskilling, it may not be a bad time to get into the AI related fields then.

3) Human-AI Collaboration – The Dynamic Duo

Here’s the secret: AI and humans don’t have to wage war. They can be teammates. What if we imagined that we live in a world where AI is responsible for dealing with the top of the totem pole: boring emails, scanning this off the CW, sorting it and then letting the human do the creative side, like create marketing campaigns that actually sound different? That is exactly what ChatGPT sort of does, and similar AI tools. They’re not here to take your place, they’re here to take the fat off your workload and make it more exciting for you. It’s the dream team!

For example, in marketing AI can review customer data and generate reports, and humans can breathe life into this data by creating targeted campaigns. AI can help doctors with diagnosis in health care, but it is human doctors who make those critical decisions.

What’s Next for AI in 2025?

Around in the year 2025, we expect AI to be even more permeated in our education and jobs. Don’t worry the robots aren’t coming for your job…at least not yet (unless you happen to be a robot). AI will be used to help you learn better, to work smarter (and spend a few minutes less on work) and even to have some free time. The point is for us to give up the race versus it and understand how to work with it.

Conclusion

AI drives the future of both education and jobs. Using tools like ChatGPT, education is getting more and more personalized, while in the work place, AI is freeing up time for us to do other more important stuff. The idea is not to replace people with it but to create a partnership by making use of people with AI’s power to enhance the potential of human kind.

It’s time to embrace the AI revolution whether you’re a student, trying to ace that test or a worker, trying to keep pace with the pace of change. You know what the future is bright? Most are AI powered possibilities.

"Get Latest News on www.bloggergaurang.com along with Breaking News and Top Headlines from all around the World !!"

#artificial intelligence #chatgpt #ai technology #ai jobs #ai education #google #ai #ai future #ai tools #blogs #india #viral #views #trending

1 note · View note

mandy4ever69420 · 9 months ago

Note

on sandy i don’t get why people insist she’s like evil for being a dead beat when the show literally goes out of the way to show that her kid is extremely well adjusted and doesn’t want sandy to be his mother, and that debbie was projecting onto her. like. there wasn’t really any complexities about that, they made it so straight up. her situation was awful and i don’t blame her for not wanting to be around her kid or her husband.

don’t get it with mickey either, maybe a little more but i still think it’s morally okay to not want to be a parent to a kid born from rape or teenage pregnancy?? i feel bad for svet for having to essentially be a single mother but i still don’t think it was necessarily mickey’s responsibility

yeah! i'm glad you saw it so clearcut, i did, too, but sooo many people acted like it was ambiguous i was slightly like wtf am i nuts. 😅 tbh even before we even saw her kid in person so to speak, it seemed pretty obvious to me. I mean, oh, a gay milkovich had a kid they didn't want? where have i seen this before?? i'm intrigued that you get people's discomfort more with mickey, i've mostly seen people be extremely understanding with mickey's initial (not even permanent) desire to Not be around his kid, and then so oddly negative towards sandy. i attributed this to a couple factors

misogyny. like duh. even people who think they're woman defenders or whatever fall into the trap of expecting women to be mothers. it's infuriating.

- this even tangles into my problem with some of the svetlana fans who i WANT to see as allies, as a svetlana enjoyer, but CANNOT, as a moral nuance enjoyer. whos not super sw negative. lol

-debbie fans i think have this problem too. debbie's interest in motherhood is interesting & a character trait. it's not like, redemption for the things she does that are bad

2. projection. i think a lot of these people just relate really hard to debbie about the monica thing and did exactly what she did.

-i dont LIKE this but it's understandable. i generally just scoff and move on with this one bc whatever you have your own issues you're relating to in debbie. this is also why i've held off on some thoughts i had on fionaposts til i can phrase them right. like ok you're clearly overrelating here i should be nice

-i take sandy's side in the breakup but i still think debbie has the right not to want to hang out with her. i LOVE a tv breakup where i see both perspectives as more or less understandable <333 what a satisfying & sad little ending

3. sandy's backstory w/ her kid is not as explicit as mickey's.

-that is, the viewer sees up close and horribly personal exactly what happened with mickey, with sandy we're left to infer. i thought it was plenty clear that whatever the details it was traumatic.

-since seeing how people reacted to some things about this show i've become a LOT more forgiving of how fucking, long and intolerable certain scenes are. not limited to svetlana's first appearance but definitely including that. some people still didn't get it so idk about them but perhaps the point did need to be hammered home

-though also this could lead to it taking longer to be at peace with mickey's initial desire not to acknowledge yevgeny. you see all the ugly parts of his rejection -- "fuck you, that's his name" -- which really made me worry at first as well. i already knew i agreed that he shouldn't have to be this kid's dad & i didn't want to see him reject him

Anyway,

you were able to narrow it down accurately to svetlana being a single mother. i hadn't thought much on that perspective, i've mostly gone back and forth in my head on how i view her perspective in having a child: did she want a kid and just figure it may as well be this one? did she want an abortion but couldn't afford/was pressured not to? did she NOT want a kid, but not believe in abortions for personal reasons? side note: it's exactly as much an autonomy violation to force someone to get an abortion as to force them not to. no matter the reason. unfortunately, there's no easy way out once any part of this plot took off - it'd have been less horrifying for mickey if she'd quietly aborted the pregnancy, but that's a different can of worms if she wanted to keep a pregnancy and felt pressured not to

i've mentioned a bit mickey's attachment / separation from yevgeny both being forced in a really really sad way. so i also hadn't considered much of her role as a single mother because she didn't necessarily have to be. + she tends to jump headfirst into relationships so you never see her on her own for long.

#Anonymous #why tf does this have so much supplemental material. tbis bitch (me) never learned to put a sock in it #my would you look at the time. Passes out immediately #sorry if this is phrased iNsanely. it is so fucking late

1 note · View note

nothorses · 2 years ago

Note

Oh god, thank you, like if we did assume anon comes from a good place we understand where anon comes from but also like...yea nothings going to help if we don't like, Have A Replacement and you definitely know more than us about this one.

If it's alright to ask: we're wondering if you have any sort of knowledge that could be passed onto us (and others in a situation like ours) to mitigate that?

For more specific context, people definitely sing their praises to IEPs a lot and we saw someone mention them somewhere, but we have very unfortunately been on the end of it where it has been used as a vehicle for oppression and ableism anyways (WE PROMISE those twitter threads will be moved here to Tumblr we just haven't done it yet sory sksksk), because we had abusive parents who were "only" emotionally abusive if that makes sense.

We understand IEPs are helpful to lots of folks but it can be isolating as all fuck when praise is all people do rather than look at some of the tiny nuances or the ways people use it to keep the status quo instead of helping folks. Like how it was used as an extension of Autistic conversion "therapy" / applied behavioral analysis "therapy" when we had to put up with it.

Nutshell/TLDR: how do people use what they have learned to improve education when they didn't really. Learn anything. And how to bring attention to some of the things that nobody wants to talk about without sounding like we're being dismissive. We're so burnt out here when it comes to discussing any education system before university. Please share your wisdom (but only if you want to)!

I am not like, The Expert here, but I will offer some thoughts! Just take them with a grain of salt; I don't know everything, and I could always be missing things.

I will say that IEPs/504 plans are of particular interest to me right now, and imo, the problem is pretty broad and pretty deep.

My own personal context is that my brother was diagnosed with ADHD before even starting school, was put in SpEd early on, and had some pretty traumatic experiences because of that (we picked him up from school once to find him in an isolation room- a closet with one bulletproof window in the door carpeted floor-to-ceiling- because he had acted out in class. In first grade). He believed wholeheartedly that he was incapable of controlling himself, and he developed extremely low self-esteem. I don't know if no diagnosis would have been any better for him, but his diagnosis and "accommodations" (iirc he had an IEP) actively did him harm.

I, on the other hand, was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 22, and I had to go out and do it myself. I had struggled with school my whole life, I had been in shouting matches with my mom about it, I have trauma about it, and I developed a different kind of low self-esteem around being told I was "choosing" to fail. Once I was medicated, my grades suddenly shot up, my GPA shot up, and I got into a pretty damn good grad school about it. I'm left wondering how things might have been different for me if I'd been understood as someone who was trying but struggling, and who needed support, rather than someone who was not trying at all.

I also don't think it's reasonable to expect that every disabled kid is going to be identified by the system, which is what most teachers seem to think is the issue: that they aren't good enough at armchair diagnosing 6-year-olds yet. It's just not gonna happen. Someone will be missed, and they shouldn't have to struggle alone because nobody else realized what they were struggling with.

Imo, what we need to be pushing for most urgently is universal accommodations, available without any need for diagnosis, disclosure, or anything else: Buckets of fidgets kids can grab whenever, alternative seating options, built-in breaks and frequent snacks, no penalties for late work/tardiness/absences, no graded tests, etc. (I would also like to see more project-based learning & growth-oriented grading, personally!)

As far as learning more: I can recommend some readings to start, and I'll link them here. They're also pretty dense; the grad school recommendation is to read the intro and conclusion in full, and just read the first and last sentence of every paragraph aside from that.

Here's the big folder (which I need to update) of all of the education-related readings I have ever been assigned. I recommend specifically searching "disability" and "democratic"/"democracy"; those will probably be the most relevant to what you're interested in.

Some good starting points:

Leonardo, Broderick (2011) - Smartness as Property: A Critical Exploration of Intersections Between Whiteness and Disability Studies

Carolen, Guinn (2007) - Differentiation: Lessons from Master Teachers

Alverman (2001) - Reading Adolescents' Reading Identities: Looking Back to See Ahead

Veletsianos, Houlden (2020) - Radical Flexibility and Relationality as Responses to Education in Times of Crisis

#education #disability #I could go on about this one specifically for a WHILE #and I will!#in my master's project paper lmao

39 notes · View notes

scoobydoodean · 2 years ago

Note

...so I've realized that I interpret the "Nobody cares that you're broken" line much differently than a lot of other people? I always kind of took it as Dean saying "yeah you think you're broken, but that doesn't matter we still want you around and you still have a place here and you're still capable of helping".

I guess I took it similar to the "I'd rather have you, cursed or not", like, Dean would rather Cas be there even if he is "broken"...bc I'm sure Dean thinks of HIMSELF as broken, too, and yet he's still there and trying to move forward

Idk I was shocked when I saw how often that line was used by deancrits and realized uhh maybe my interpretation was really different hahaha

From 7.23:

DEAN: You got anything to say on the topic of Dicks? Crowley was pretty sure that you could help. CASTIEL: I can't help. You understand? I can't. I destroyed... everything, and I will destroy everything again. Can we please just leave it at that?

DEAN: No. [He gets up.] No, we can't. SAM: Dean... DEAN: We can't leave it. You let these friggin' things in. So you don't get to make a sandwich. You don't get a damned cat. Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas. Clean up your mess!

CASTIEL: You know... we should play Twister.

I... might have a more nuanced and lengthy take on this with tons and tons of context later when I make my way back through season 7, but I'll tell you what I think right now from my memory: people who hang onto this line and resent Dean for it should grow the fuck up. Which is exactly what Dean is telling Cas to do. Not because Cas isn't allowed to have feelings, but because Cas is hiding. He made a mess, and he does not want to help clean it up because if he has to help clean it up he has to face that he broke something... that his plans backfired, that he created more issues in the process of trying to solve others. Which he did. Like we can justify a lot of what Cas did in season 6, and he has an understandable perspective. But he did kill thousands of people. He did kill one of his best friends in the world for standing in his way. He did try to manipulate Dean. He did break Dean's trust. He did break Sam's wall. All while thinking he was also doing what was necessary, but it happened, and Balthazar begged him not to do what he was going to do because he knew there would be consequences Cas refused to think about, and Cas did it anyway and he killed Balthazar for opposing him, and broke Sam's wall to keep Sam and Dean and Bobby from opposing him... all while insisting it was "not broken".

Those are simply facts of what happened, and fans can not like those facts, but they exist nonetheless. Cas is not a child. He is a very very very old cosmic being, who is hiding from a situation that he is largely responsible for. Now is "nobody cares that you're broken" all Dean has to say? No. This is the same episode where Dean also says,

"Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?"

And then Cas and Dean defeat Dick Roman together—as a team. Because it isn't actually about what a bad horrible person Cas is and how he needs to wallow in that and feel that or not feel that and if anyone dares to suggest he face what he did they're being mean . It's about how they're all fuck ups but they are doing their best. That's all they can ask of each other. They all have been used and abused and they have tried to clean up other people's messes and caused some of their own mess along the way which they are perpetually mopping up. They're Team Free Will (One ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose.) and they will figure it out... but only if they are all trying, and Cas, in that moment, is NOT. He is hiding. Because he feels guilty. I think Dean IS angry at Cas here for leaving them with the bag, but that... isn't unfair, but it also doesn't fully incapsulate Dean's opinions on the matter.

#mail

30 notes · View notes

crellanstein · 5 years ago

Text

Prodigious

I find it odd how the fandom focuses so much on Aang’s childhood being ruined when he learned he was the Avatar at 12, but there’s very little talk about how discovering she was the Avatar as a toddler affected Korra’s life and how she was raised.

But we’ll circle back to that...

Because this is a good starting point to talk about one of the most prevalent themes in the story, which the mainstream discussion of tends to only focus on a few characters -- That is the Child Prodigy.

We’ll start with the two most obvious. The ones we always talk about.

Azula.

The clearest example of your typical child prodigy (if there is anything typical about a prodigy). Azula showed early mastery of very advanced Fire-Bending techniques, and is the only Fire-Bender to use blue flames, which was intended to make her stand out amongst the other villains but is also indicative that her Fire-Bending is more pure and powerful (blue flame is produced when burning pure O2 or fuel without contaminant at a very high temperature).

All this lead to her being praised and favored by Ozai as a child, but as double-edged swords go, this also meant she had a lot of pressure on her shoulders to never fail, and she rarely did. Her ego matched her talent, and let’s be honest she was the baddest bitch the show had ever seen. Conquering Ba Sing Se, defeating the Avatar in combat, and dropping some of the most devastating lines of dialogue in villain history; she was a force nobody wanted to reckon with.

And that become a problem for one asshole in particular...

Being jealous of his own child is just one item on a laundry list of reasons why this guy is the worst father in the history of fathers. Azula had begun to outshine him with her victories, and Ozai’s maniacal ego couldn’t handle that, so he left her behind to babysit the Fire Nation while he went out to burn/conquer the world, which also was her idea.

And while this wasn’t the only thing that aided in her demise, it certainly was the final straw which sent her spiraling down into this...

In the end Azula is a sad example of how certain unfair expectations are placed upon talented children, and the more they succeed, the more these expectations grow and weigh on the them until they either disappoint those looking down on them or surpass and embarrass their elders.

It is a lose-lose situation which inevitably destroys them.

There is a similar example of the child prodigy, but his story goes a little different.

Aang.

Even as a twelve/thirteen year-old boy Aang by far has the most impressive stats among any character in the Avatar universe.

Basically mastering 3 of the 4 Elements in less than a year, after mastering Air by the time he is twelve (not to mention inventing his own Air-bending move, the Air scooter).

Aang is an example of a child prodigy who had too much thrust onto him at too young an age because of the talent he showed; because of this he panicked and ran away, and the world was worse off for it.

Aang/Sokka/Katara’s story is all about how in times of War, responsibilities normally handled by adults are pushed onto kids who then have to grow up very fast in order to deal with it all.

The message is clear. War robs the young of their childhoods.

Now, let’s talk about a different kind of child prodigy.

The Unacknowledged.

Yes, of course I’m talking about Toph, the greatest Earth-Bender to ever live.

Because of her blindness, Toph’s family tried to keep her sheltered and safe by hiding her from the world. Refusing to believe she could ever be more than helpless. Anyone who has seen the show knows that is far from the truth.

But because her potential went unseen, there were some negative effects to her personality. Initially, she resented her parents, and rebelled; which established a certain level of independence, a bad attitude, and a hot-headed streak. Over time spent with the Gaang these behaviors subsided because she finally had friends and they accepted her for who she was. By the end of the series she was fully willing to accept aid from them when she needed it, like holding on to Sokka’s arm in environment where her bending couldn’t help her “see”.

Toph’s story is a foil to Azula’s, both showed immense talent and badassery, but while recognition of Azula lead to ever-mounting pressure for her to succeed; the lack of recognition for Toph created a need for her to be acknowledged and set an undercurrent of frustration which leads to her acting out in the ways she does.

The lesson to take from Toph’s story is not to shelter your kid from the world out of fear for their safety, and to be open to recognizing their talents, not shun them.

Next are two more Unacknowledged.

Katara and Sokka.

Their story, and the reason behind their circumstances, is one of the more complicated and nuanced ones in the series, so here we’ll focus on how it fits into the subject of discussion.

Because of the War, Katara was robbed not only of her mother but also of any Southern Masters to train her, and any role models Sokka could have looked up to left with his father to fight. Because of this Katara’s potential and Sokka’s genius went unacknowledged not due to neglect but rather due to circumstance. (Yes, I think Sokka is a genius, how many 15 yr olds do you know that can plan an invasion, design submarines, and spit poetry off the cuff?).

This is a further example of how War robs kids of necessary childhood experiences, and these two robberies had particular effects on both Katara and Sokka’s character developments.

Sokka had the responsibility of protecting his home put upon him at a young age. The men of his tribe leaving prevented him from completing his rite of manhood until the Gaang ran into Bato of the Water Tribe, and early on Sokka was constantly trying to prove himself as a man and a leader. Sokka is one of the smarter characters of the series, but he rarely got credit for it until the third season. Not to mention that because he wasn’t a bender he often seemed less useful than the others. The circumstances of war made his talent go unnoticed and because of that he often was unsure of himself and overcompensated to prove something.

Speaking of talent going unnoticed.

Katara is definitely one of the more talented benders of the series. After training herself for years with little progress, she essentially mastered Water-Bending in a few weeks under Master Pakku. While her anger towards the Fire-Nation mostly centers around the loss of her mother, it can’t be ignored that the delay in her training was a direct result of the Fire-Nations’ actions. Toph’s anger and frustration vented itself as rebellion. However, the same frustration and anger is within Katara, but because she wasn’t as natural a bender as Toph she sought to learn and be respected, and when that was denied to her is when that anger bubbled to the surface in some terrifying ways.

While Toph’s talent went unnoticed because of her families neglect, Katara and Sokka’s wasn’t acknowledged because there was nobody to acknowledge it. Because of that both brother and sister wanted to prove themselves to the world.

And then there is Zuko.

I know what you’re thinking. Zuko wasn’t a prodigy, his Fire-Bending skill didn’t catch up with Azula’s until the finale and he never mastered Lightning-Bending, but this section is about the Unacknowledged.

Zuko had many other talents besides Fire-Bending, he was a master swordsmen, and was able to successfully break into every secure facility he attempted in the show (which was almost every secure facility the show featured). Unfortunately, these talents were never recognized, because the only thing the royal family cared about was bending ability (It’s possible the reason he learned the sword was because he lacked skill in Fire-Bending).

As per usual with Zuko, this part of his tale is quite sad. Many can relate to being outshined by a sibling, and when it becomes all too clear that one cannot match another’s talent it’s quite understandable to focus on what they do excel at, but even then there is no promise of recognition for their own talent. Zuko was even mocked by his father during the solar eclipse when Ozai tried baiting him into attacking with his swords.

This lack of recognition is one of many sad aspects of Zuko’s early life, but it is a definitive example of one of the hardest unacknowledged prodigy’s cross to bear. The Outshone prodigy, one whose talents are never noticed because a bigger and brighter star stands in the way of such recognition, and arguably the most frustrating type mentioned here. Toph/Sokka/Katara all came from situations were there was no recognition being given to them or anyone, but Zuko had to bear watching massive amounts of praise be piled on to his sister while he and his accomplishments went by the way side.

Ozai summed up the situation best.

��Azula was born lucky, Zuko was lucky to be born”

Alright now where have I been going with all this?

So, far we’ve covered a lot of wrong ways to treat a child, whether they show talent or not, and how the circumstances of war can also take many things from children.

But what happened to Korra?

(Before we get into to this I should state that I like Korra, and the purpose of this is not to bash her as a character or her arc, but rather to give a little of my insight into it.)

It’s well established that Aang was told of his heritage too young, and that was a detriment on his development into an adult, but what would have happened if he realized his powers himself not long after he could walk? We’ll never know, but we do get to see the effects it had on Korra.

When she revealed herself as the Avatar, Korra set her entire life in a new direction, and because Aang tasked the White Lotus with finding and training her that direction was out of her control. There are two key differences between Korras’ and other Avatars’ lives.

1. She grew up in isolation on a White Lotus compound.

Every Avatar before Korra we know of spent a portion of their early lives traveling the world in order to master the elements; along this journey they not only learned how to bend the other 3 elements, buy also many things about the 3 other nations and the world they are tasked to protect as a whole. By confining Korra in safety and bringing the masters to her the White Lotus deprived Korra of this opportunity to learn and grow and understand the world and the people within in. It also deprived her of learning modern bending styles until she reached Republic City.

While this might have kept Korra safe from the Red Lotus, it grew within her a naiveté about how the world worked, and because of this when she actually did venture out into the world she was terribly unprepared for it.

2. She was trained and mastered 3 of the elements by the time she was 16.

Most Avatars don’t know they have this power until they reach 16 and then they spend several years learning to control it. Korra’s natural talent in the bending lead to her training being expedited not by necessity like Aang’s, but due to her talent and eagerness. Korra excelled at the physical part of being the Avatar and because of this by the time she reached maturity she had become over-confident in her abilities and true to what her Fire-Bending master said in Ep.1 she lacked restraint.

I’m not saying her bending isn’t great, but rather because it is so great it’s her go-to solution to anything, and she enjoys that so she uses it with enthusiastic gusto and not a lot of thinking before striking.

This overconfidence coupled with her naiveté of the world is what lead to many of her rash decisions and actions, most of which had negative consequences, and I believe are the reason behind some fan are dissatisfied with her. Aang had been almost the complete opposite, even by the age of twelve he was an experienced world traveler and an incredibly humble guy.

Some may have been dissatisfied by these character decisions, but they served a purpose, they are only the beginning of her arc. The internal challenge Korra must overcome through 4 seasons is to humble herself before the world, and learn from it. This was finally achieved in the 4th season when the metal poisoning in her body forces her to face others in the world as equals, only then had she completed her journey.

And why did it all go this way?

Because she is a very unique child prodigy, what she demonstrates in the first episode of LOK would be akin to a toddler playing the violin or hitting a three-pointer; she could bend 3 elements close to just after learning to walk. That is the kind of prodigious talent rarely seen because it is mostly impossible. How does a rational person handle a child like that?

It’s a tough question, and something this essay has been circling around the whole time. Each example here is the wrong way to handle talented and different children, but what is the right way?

As always look to Iroh.

Who treated his surrogate son Zuko with both respect and compassion.

Unlike Toph’s parents, Iroh worried over Zuko’s well being, but also allowed him to be independent, make his own decisions, and take his own risks.

Unlike the Nomad Leaders, he didn’t want Zuko weighed down by his position in the world and the responsibility that came with, and always encouraged him relax and take advantage of the moment.

Unlike Ozai, Iroh would always be there to support Zuko in his victories and his failures. Iroh shows him the right path but does not force him down it.

And even after Zuko betrayed and abandoned him.

Iroh was never angry with him, and embraced him upon his return.

He wanted Zuko to grow and be a better man. Even if Zuko wasn’t a prodigy like his sister.

And that is the answer here. The way to raise a prodigy is the same way anyone should raise any child. Love, Support, a Guiding Hand rather than a Forceful Shove, Recognition of What Makes Them Unique, and Forgiveness When They Falter. The problem comes along when you start treating children differently because you see them as different or special. All children are different, all children are special.

Kids are kids, and they all deserve a proper childhood.

25K notes · View notes

syms-things-5 · 3 years ago

Text

TO THE WIRE

A Chris Evans / Call of Duty AU Fic

My Masterlist can be found HERE, where this will be added.

Part One: It’s All In The Detail

Part Two: Where There’s smoke...

Note: Not sure where I’m going with this but I’ve been a fan of his C.O.D. look since I first saw it. Hopefully, this looks promising but rather than an ongoing series, I see it more as a series of one- or two-shots. Part One is below and Part Two will follow next Sunday following my final spot of editing.

Theme: Enemies to friends to (eventual) lovers. Chris has an ego and believes his own hype, and Martha needs to get a life for herself.

Warnings: Strong language

Word Count: 5.1k

Part One: It’s All In The Detail

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” came Martha’s exasperated response, hands gripped tightly onto her hips as she did her very best to attempt a more aggressive stance than she was altogether comfortable with. “Months of hard work and now it’s done, just like that?”

She wasn’t sure why she was even questioning it. She could believe it – and expect it – as it had been the case for her on more than one occasion over the last 12 months and she was getting tired of it. She was getting tired of being side-lined.

“I’m sorry. The decision has been made and it’s for your own safety.”

“But what could have possibly changed in the last twenty-four hours?”

It was a valid question and for a brief moment she felt a surge of confidence in her frustration.

Tanner, the shortish, greying intellectual currently sat behind the broad desk that separated them like a protective barrier, appeared resolute in his decision. Even if he had doubts, he wouldn’t let them show. His posture remained relaxed as he leaned back in his leather recliner having barely flinched or moved in the time since she had barged into his office, disappointment etched across her fine features, staring him down like he had just insulted her grandmother. Instead, he regarded her respectfully and with some semblance of understanding of her disappointment at being frozen out yet again from a mission she had worked very hard on. It made her feel a little guilty at her verbal outburst although he had probably heard much, much worse in his forty-plus years with the CIA. He himself had told her as much.

She wasn’t sure if this apparent show of empathy was a good or a bad thing. It certainly didn’t serve to make her feel any better. Deep down, she knew Tanner knew what he was doing. He always gave considered thought to the decisions he made; he wouldn’t be where he was now if he hadn’t. Even deeper down, she knew she wasn’t going to succeed in changing his mind.

“You know as well as I do that intel can change with no notice.” He explained calmly in his soft, Texan drawl. “It’s never ideal to change the format of a mission at any stage of the play but we do what we have to do with what we are given. The team has reason to believe that Haltzar is shifting gear and making a move to exit this Friday night. If we don’t get him then, our chances at ever bringing in Haltzar disappear in the dark, and his little black book goes with him.”

She could appreciate the nuances that went into a plan like this. In just eighteen months, Martha had gone from being a well-liked but rather inconsequential (her words) doctor at Newman & Grey Hospital, working all the shifts she could manage to avoid being home alone with only her thoughts for company, to a valued member of a CIA ‘Special Ops’ Unit that specialised in dealing with situations far beyond the capabilities of ordinary law enforcement. Or so she thought she was.

She listened to Tanner letting her down gently like she was being told she couldn’t have the bike she wanted for Christmas. She also couldn’t shake the feeling this was yet another attempt by Chris Evans to phase her out. She realised she appeared like she was throwing a tantrum because she couldn’t get her own way. It was embarrassing and it made her feel like shit. It wasn’t what she was aiming for when she woke up earlier that morning.

“Listen, Martha, this is in no way a reflection of your work but some people have expressed concern that your being there would draw unwanted attention-”

“-Some people? You mean Chris-”

“-Especially if a member of Haltzar’s crew recognises you from their own intel.” Tanner finished his argument, choosing to ignore hers. “We can’t forget they have been here a long time. They will have scoped the place out for themselves, several times, and if they see you at the hospital, the whole game is up and we’ll have lost nearly eighteen months of work for nothing. I’d like to see you try to explain that to Homeland Security.”

Martha paused in her tracks and tried to avoid Tanner’s careful, sympathetic gaze. Shaking her head in defeat, she loosened her hands from her hips and let them fall limply to her side as she took on board Tanner’s reasoning. Just as she was about to express an apology for her blatant lapse of professionalism in the face of a man who could probably buy and sell what was left of her own family, a lowly whistle came from somewhere close behind her.

Stood still in the corner of Tanner’s office, one boot resting on the panelled wall as though he gave not one care for the probable cost of having his dusty Size 12s scratch the paint off, Chris murmured his disapproval of Martha. She couldn’t quite bring herself to acknowledge his presence, though, preferring to leave him brooding quietly as she attempted to make her way out of the office unscathed.

Even now, after he had sullenly made himself known, she preferred not having to deal with the sight of his smug face at this time of the morning. She could sense him, though. You could always sense when Evans was nearby so it was a complete and utter joke that Tanner was now claiming that she might be the one who would draw attention.

“Well, I would probably call into question the reasons why some people might see me being there as a problem.” She stated matter-of-factly, the words coming out of her mouth before she had the time to edit them. Or stop them altogether as she was quickly wishing she could.

“I’m right here, McLachlan.” Came his bristly tone in response, clearly having had enough of her obstinance.

“Yes, I know, Chris. It’s very hard to miss you.” She snapped, finally conceding to him. All she got in return was a dismissive glare. It only served to wind her up even more.

“Then ask me directly.”

She looked at him again but chose to bite her tongue, not wanting to rise to his bait.

“Why are you pushing for this?” Chris pressed. “You know we make the calls and the call is that your efforts are no longer required. We have everything in place, you’ll just take up space, space that we don’t have. Congratulations, McLachlan, you have the night off. Go out and celebrate.”

Martha could feel herself stiffen from his petulance. It was an all-too-familiar feeling that she was growing tired of.

“Yes, you’ve made that more than clear.” She retorted.

She let out the last of her breath that she’d been holding and gathered herself before she turned back to face Tanner. She struggled to meet his eye for a brief second but no amount of re-focussing herself could take away from the disappointment she was feeling inside.

“I guess there’s nothing left I can say.” She finally acquiesced and nodded once to Tanner, who reciprocated with what she thought was a small hint of regret. She didn’t exactly mean it but nevertheless it seemed like the professional thing to do.

She caught Chris’ eye once again before she fully departed the room but neither was willing to give the other the satisfaction of acknowledgment.

“You could go easier on her. We need someone like her in the team. She’s very good at her job.” Tanner said when he was confident that she was no longer within earshot.

“So are a lot of people but it doesn’t mean they all get to be invited along for the ride.”

“She’s helped this team a lot over the past couple of years.” Said Tanner, pointedly ignoring Chris’ last words.

“Then we’ll have a whip-round and sign a card.” Chris shrugged. He dropped his foot from the wall and casually made the few steps to where he stood in front of Tanner’s desk.

“That’s very grateful of you, Christopher. Remind me, who removed the bullet from your shoulder in Detroit?”

Chris paused at Tanner’s annoying ability for recall. How was he expected to respond to that?

“That’s what she’s paid to do.” Chris conceded. “But we can’t pretend that she has even half the training my guys have. By anyone’s standards, this is a quiet, safe mission. You said so yourself. No one is going to get injured, so…she’s surplus to requirements. End of discussion.”

“And what about next time? What about when you or one of your boys needs medical assistance and you’re hiding out in some cave in Iran? You think Dave or Benji will be able to cope?”

“Benji served two tours in Afghanistan. I think he can deal with a bandage.” Chris attempted to shrug Tanner off once more.

“Or what about when one of your guys trips a wire and threatens to set off a landmine?”

Chris couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You think she’s a bomb disposal expert all of a sudden?”

“No, she isn’t, but she could be.” Tanner posed, choosing to ignore the scoff that just emanated from Chris’ direction. “This is my point, Chris. There are very few people left in this country that can do what you and this team does, I get that, but it would be a wise and valuable idea to at least consider the future. Consider protecting this team’s legacy, your legacy, and pay attention to the possibilities of who is available and who can be trained that could handle these same pressures.”

Chris’ hands found their way to his hips and Tanner knew he’d likely pushed his luck. Still, he said what needed to be said. It was common knowledge around these parts that Chris had an ego that needed to be kept in check, and Tanner seemed to be the only person to do it.

“I don’t doubt that an ER is a tough environment but let’s not pretend a medical degree is in any way a viable substitute for the nerve and intuition this team has.”

“She’s a doctor, Chris. I think nerve and intuition are parts of her job specification.”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it-”

“-We can’t afford to lose her, Chris,” Tanner interrupts “Or Carl for that matter, so I’d strongly advise you to play nicely with them both from here on out.”

Tanner leaned forward in his recliner and pulled his glasses down from the top of his head. Chris watched as he took the fountain pen from its holder and opened the leather-bound file that had been sat on his desk all morning, awaiting his attention.

It was as clear an indication as possible that their conversation was now over but Chris struggled to accept not having the last word. Regardless, he unclenched his jaw and turned to vacate his office, leaving Tanner to glance at the back of his protégé’s head before getting back to work.

Chris waited for the heavy-set door to shut behind him completely before he placed his hands back on his hips and breathed in deeply to steady his nerve. He glanced to either side of him to make sure Claire wasn’t in earshot before he muttered a ‘fuck’ under his breath.

Chris was sure the only reason Tanner kept Claire around was because she had the ears of a bat and could pick up on people’s frustrations from a mile away. It certainly wasn’t for her administrative skills, that was for sure. At the age of 52, she’d all but given up on learning how to use email instead favouring the Victorian-era fax machine they were for forbidden from upgrading.

He didn’t like having his work called into question, and he certainly didn’t like it coming from a junior. Martha wasn’t even a fully-fledged member of the team; she was unofficial and part-time at best and he found himself growing increasingly aggravated by her presence. He wasn’t sure why Tanner expected him to just put up with her. It wasn’t like she offered anything he couldn’t get from someone else. She was a hassle he didn’t need at this time of his life.

As he felt his pulse beat in his ears, he took a few more calming breaths and tried as hard as he could to unclench his jaw again. Somewhere down the corridor to his left, he heard doors shut and he felt his irritation kick in.

“You really need to knock this off, McLachlan.” He announced as he burst into the changing room.

“Excuse me?” Martha turned from where she was perched on the edge of the bench, surprised to see him stood in front of her once again. She was just 5 minutes from leaving the building and getting back to the relative sanctity of the hospital so it was totally unfair that she had to speak to him again.

“This interruption you’ve got going on all the damn time. It’s not helpful. You’re just making things more difficult than they need to be.” He took another step towards her, almost concealing her in his shadow. “I don’t appreciate it.”

Martha wasn’t sure if she had missed a conversation in the few minutes since she had left Tanner’s office. She had walked away in full understanding that it was to be business-as-usual and she wouldn’t be needed until the next time. She didn’t much like it but she accepted it. She thought she’d made that part obvious at least.

“Look, I was merely asking why I was no longer being considered for the mission and I think it was a valid question. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, or-”

“That’s the thing, McLachlan. You don’t try to be anything. You just are. I swear you exist just to piss me off.”

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” She physically recoiled at his tone. “It wasn’t like I was doing this on purpose.”

She looked away from him and back down to her laced-up plimsolls.

“Sometimes, I think you just want to be annoyed about something. If anyone needs a night off, it’s you.”

“Be careful who you’re talking to, McLachlan.”

“Or what?” She flinched, surprised by her own candour. Yet again, she spoke faster than her brain could catch up with.

Martha watched as he was stopped in his tracks. She felt her shoulders shift, trying to drain herself of this interaction with him. At times, it was an effort to merely exist in the same room as him.

He wasn’t expecting the retort and he certainly wasn’t expecting her to question his authority in this manner.

“It’s not my choice having you here, McLachlan, but it certainly will be having you removed if I have anything to do with it.” He was speaking far quieter this time, a gentle intimidation that she assumed was normally reserved for those he was questioning. Or worse. “Quit crying when you don’t get your own way.”

“I wasn’t crying. Sir.” She spoke again in equally hushed tones.

She swore to whoever was up there that she wasn’t deliberately trying to provoke him, but it seemed to be the only language he understood.

After another silent moment passed, he huffed out something that resembled amusement. “Close enough.”

She kept her feet rooted to the spot and refused to look away. Whether it was some vain attempt at essaying confidence, or she just genuinely couldn’t move, she didn’t know.

“This isn’t personal.” He rationalised. “This is serious stuff. I can’t afford to babysit you.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being patronising on purpose or if it just comes naturally to you.”

“Fuck around and find out.”

“Oh, real mature.” She rolled her eyes at him. She got up from her seat and turned to grab her hoodie hanging on the hook inside her locker.

Carl chose that moment to make his appearance from behind the row of lockers. He coughed a fake cough that was almost comical in its execution, briefly unnerving Chris. Carl wasn’t exactly aiming towards Chris either, rather just making his presence known in case Martha had forgotten about him.

Chris looked quickly between Martha and Carl, unaware he had been there. He hid the surprise from his face quite well, keeping his features as straight as possible. Had she known he was there this entire time? What was her game?

“Get your stuff and go home.” He instructed, standing taller than before, returning his gaze back to her. “I’ll deal with you another time.”

He turned on his heels and strode out of the locker room in such few steps, it was almost impressive. To Carl, anyway. Carl was easily impressed at the best of times but working for someone who had received a medal from the President of the United States nearly tipped him over the edge.

Martha slammed the door of her locker with some force, startling Carl in the process.

“Everything OK?” he asked cautiously when the room fell silent again. He knew the answer.

“Not exactly.” Was all she could give back to him.

He thought better of pushing her again, He watched as she moved to stand in front of the mirror that took up almost one whole side of their small changing room. It was a crowded room on account of various equipment cupboards that had been moved in months earlier because, apparently, there was no room left anywhere in the on-site training facility. Martha was convinced it was yet another attempt by Evans of pushing them aside, though, and you couldn’t tell her otherwise.

She stared at herself in contemplation. “I need to go back to the office before I leave, OK?”

“Um, yeh, sure.” Came Carl’s hesitant reply. “Shall I just meet you by the car, then?” But she had already left.

He wasn’t sure what the purpose of her returning to the office was and he dearly hoped she wasn’t going to rile Evans up any more than he already was.

Layer upon layer of coloured and black-and-white photographs stared back at her. She followed the direction of the white ink that lined them all up, connecting the dots both physically and metaphorically. Prints of the town grid and an image featuring the schematics of the local Newman and Grey Hospital were kept separate on one side. In the centre of it all, was Haltzar.

By anyone’s basic understanding, Alek Haltzar was a dangerous man. He was exceptionally tall, standing at over 6ft 5in, and was just shy of 50 years old. When Haltzar wasn’t indulging in Arms trafficking and attempting to corrupt local politicians in neighbouring countries, he enjoyed playing chess competitively and was a single father to three children. It was this latter role that he took more seriously than that which brought him his billion-dollar fortune.

The children’s mother had died in a freak boating accident when their youngest son had turned just four years’ old. She had been the love of Haltzar’s life and her death had devastated both him and the boys. Ever since, he had vowed to dedicate his life and his many, many millions to charity to honour her memory. It was a fast about-turn that stood ill at ease with his previous profession.

He was also gravely ill.

Some four years before today, he had discovered he had been living with a rare form of cancer following what should have been a routine prostate exam. The best scientists and doctors he could find could provide no clue as to its course of treatment, and could not stop it from spreading further.

He went underground for a short while afterwards, trying his hand with any experimental drug and therapy he could find, but when nothing appeared to work, he did what any other person with the means to do so would do and relocated his family to the US. Washington DC to be exact.

DC had been home to the estimable Newman and Grey, a hospital devoted to advancing medical research and theory around some of the body’s most destructive diseases for nearly sixty years. Originally named after Sir Peter Newman, the hospital could now also claim itself as home to the Nobel Prize-winning mind of Professor Alan Grey, a man responsible for, among other things, his incredible work developing the technique that would later create the MRI machine, an epic scientific breakthrough in the late-Seventies that allowed the diagnosis of patients via non-invasive means.

So, leaving behind his work, his varied and dubious connections to some of the world’s most powerful people, and his entire life it seemed, Haltzar uprooted his family to Washington a little over two years ago. Whatever the likelihood, he moved in an attempt to access the experimental treatments Prof. Taylor had been studying and testing with some degree of success.

His sudden arrival in the US caused as close a thing to a “stir” as Martha reasoned was possible given his identity was genuinely unknown to almost everyone except those who worked inside the CIA. According to them, this move was very much a last-ditch attempt at saving his own life so his beloved children wouldn’t have to grow up without a parent. If he hadn’t been responsible for aiding and abetting several war criminals over the last twenty years, one could be forgiven for feeling just a little bit sorry for him.

Martha supposed she could understand to some degree his reasons for moving to the area. After all, she had done much the same thing as him, just minus the murders and the bribery.

After completing her MD in Boston, she wanted desperately to exist somewhere in Prof. Grey’s orbit if only on the periphery of him and his team. She had lived and breathed his theses and work during her studies, and had arrived at the hospital five years back after she took on a role as an Emergency Doctor in the hospital’s ER. It was a tough baptism of fire for want of a better phrase but Carl had befriended her and the pair of them soon formed an alliance which kept the ER moving at a pace that could hopefully cope with the volume of admissions.

“I’m sure they had their reasons.”

She could hear Carl’s voice in the back of her mind. He was a nice guy, Martha thought, but dear God he could be a push-over at times. Why did he suck up to Evans so much all the time? Tanner, she could understand, but Evans? The guy had an ego the size of the state. He was a jerk. Martha lost count of the people flinging themselves at his feet everywhere he went, Carl notwithstanding, and she could never work it out.

“I’m gonna level with you, Martha,” Carl had said after hearing Martha’s protests earlier that afternoon. “I’ve got zero interest in carrying a gun with me for the next week just in case a goddamn psychopath may or may not turn up to the hospital. That is way above my pay grade. This is why we pay our taxes, so that men like Evans can do the risky work for us.” He turned back to the computer screen in front of him. “And that suits me just fine.”

“But we’re the ones who’ve put this all together.” She argued back at him. “They would never have known about the drug trials if it wasn’t for us and Taylor.”

“Yeh, and the locations and the money and the hospital plans? That’s all them.” He reasoned. “Think of it like anything else we do. We take X-Rays, we take bloods, we make the diagnosis, then we pass the patient over to the right consultant who uses all of that information to make the person better. We still get the credit, we just don’t have to do all of the graft.”

Martha despaired as she stared up at the board. It was all pointless now anyway.

Haltzar had been living in the quiet but glossy suburb of Chesapeake Beach. It was one of the wealthiest areas in Maryland and was home to several retired businessmen who liked to keep one eye on the New York Stock Exchange whilst making their way around a golf course.

According to Tanner, Haltzar had been photographed several times visiting his oldest son who had enrolled at Notre Dame almost as soon as they had arrived in the area. He had been seen attending their sports matches, visiting a local library, even mowing the lawn outside his home. One photograph Martha had originally lingered on showed him in a car parked outside a Walmart.

He was quite literally hiding in plain sight.

But, as Tanner had supposed, that was easy to do when your Head of Security was also an ex-Black Ops member. Evans thought he had recognised him from his early days on combat duty but ultimately uncovered nothing they could use to get close to Haltzar from the inside.

Walmart was the one image she found herself fixating on over and over again at random times of the day. It was the thing she was thinking about now as she found herself sat behind the reception desk in the ER that Thursday evening.

The clock was ticking by slowly and the expected onslaught of patients never materialised. The team was grateful for the break but Martha hated sitting around doing nothing. Her admin was up to date as always, she’d triple-checked the stock cupboards, and had grown tired of watching the kettle boil for the fourth time having offered to make yet another round of tea for everyone.

It was a weird evening. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was just because it was a Thursday and Thursday seemed too early in the week for people to find a thrill in the weekend. Thursday proved a weird limbo for a lot of people in this town it would seem.

“You should bring a book, M.” Simone called out from the chair a few feet behind her. “I’m reading Catch-22 at the moment. It’s pretty damn good.”

“Didn’t you read that in high school?” Martha asked, snapped from her momentary daydream.

“Yeh but it was pretty dull back then. This time, I’m really appreciating the critique of authority more than before. I tell ya, it is 100% relatable.”

Martha could share in the joke knowing precisely what she was getting at. Simone was adept at the art of the passive-aggressive remark and was a welcome, contrasting energy to the usual politics that went on underneath this roof.

“Seriously, though,” Simone continued. “You wanna go take a nap or something? It’s gonna be hours before we finish here and I can handle things for a bit.”

Martha contemplated her kind offer. She figured she could be bored here or bored in a quiet room where she could mess about on her phone, maybe plan a holiday she knew she wouldn’t take. It didn’t really matter either way but she would at least feel a bit less guilty about it if she wasn’t fussing on her phone in plain sight of the few patients who had taken up space in a couple of bays.

Looking towards the few patients they had admitted that evening, she clocked them each lying quietly on their respective beds, calm and peaceful. Just what they liked to see. A couple of them had been hooked up to blood pressure machines that took intermittent readings and beeped out accordingly, and the other guy was sat up in his bay and reading a magazine upside down, the drugs perhaps causing him to feel a little drowsy. She wouldn’t hold it against him.

“Thanks. I won’t be too long.”

“Take as long as you need, chick.”

Simone turned back to the paperwork in front of her as Martha vacated the squared-in desk formation that created their excuse for a reception.

Taking the long, quiet walk down the corridors to reach the staff quarters took longer than usual. Her phone was clasped in her hand and she’d picked up a glass of water on the way. She held the doors open for Paul, the porter, as he transported some equipment to another ward a few floors up. He had been too polite to let her help him the rest of the way, despite her offer.

Finding herself at a loose end, she locked the door behind her and chose the single bed closest to the radiator. The heat would help lull her to sleep, she thought, and she could while away a couple of hours before she returns to the main ward to see what might await her. Was it wrong that she hoped something a little more dramatic might break up the monotony of the shift?

He was reading it upside down.

Wait.

On more than one occasion she had spotted him scanning the ER. She had thought he was just waiting for a relative to arrive or perhaps waiting for his SHO to return with some test results, but…he wasn’t confused. The drugs weren’t causing him to feel lethargic or muddled; they weren’t strong enough to do that.

Why had she negated to think that before now?

She held her fingers to the side of her forehead, hastily rolling back through her memories of the last couple of hours.

The three men had each arrived separately but only within about twenty minutes of each other. They all claimed various minor upsets that although were a little uncommon to be accidental, were nevertheless ailments the team had handled thousands of times before. After all, they weren’t there to question anyone; they were there to do their job and fix what was wrong with them.

Martha didn’t pretend to know the intricacies of the Agency’s work but she was still able to note their boots were in fact of the same make and all were clean and shiny, as though they had each just left the shop before they found themselves at Newman’s.

“Jerry?” She called out hurriedly as soon as she heard the other line click on.

“Oh hey Martha! What’s up?” Came the friendly, chirpy response from perhaps the only man in the Unit that maybe didn’t hate her guts.

“You guys need to get down here. Now.”

#call of duty fic #chris evans fic #fanfiction #evans fic #AU chris evans #To The Wire #chris evans x original female character #chris fic #enemies to friends #eventual lovers #basically he's an asshole #chris evans

55 notes · View notes

ladymorghul · 2 years ago

Note

i agree with most of things that previous anan said but the one thing i find amusing is how this person said it's bullshit they adapted daeron into aemond. like read the book and then speak of it. maybe you'll find secret pages of aemond being more than one dimensional villain on the pages. and send me photos if you find it. i often find it amusing that people who are happy that aemond isn't like in the books tend to turn around and say hey, they never gave ANY daeron's personality traits to him even after there were leaks of scripts where Sapochnik clearly cut him out of the show and how George stepped in just after Sapochnik was fired and reassured fans daeron will be included. it's clear they wanted to cut him out and any person who is fine with daeron being out of the show is no green stan at all. daeron is too important to toss him aside but how could people who haven't read the books know it, they needed to see George behaviour and then they finally understood that maybe daeron is someone essential to greens and not Sapochnik weird fantasies

i do agree that aemond was humanized, i don't know if they did it with daeron on their minds and, frankly anon, im tired of not any concrete proof that miguel is THE ONLY evil behind all decisions greens don't like. want something that's hard to swallow? unlike the majority of team black stans, at least half of green stans are rhaenicents. personally i am not interested in this ship at all beyond episode 7, but ryan likes it. he said about rhaenicent:

“I think there’s actually still hope, even with Luke’s death,” Condal said on the House of the Dragon podcast. “The problem moving forward is it’s only so much in Alicent and Rhaenyra’s control anymore. Now we’re dealing with their sons and what we know from history is that war is often fought by the young 16-22 year old angry, testosterone loaded sons of the people that are trying to hold onto their power.”

it is my solid belief that while there have definitely been things that have set ryan and miguel apart, that ryan is not you friend as a green stan and neither is grrm. grrm said he liked the show, he said he liked show viserys better, he is a daemon fan first and foremost. he's not here to save the greens lol and i don't think he's here to save anyone

also... about daeron: ryan announced before miguel left or grrm was gonna be involved that daeron exists and that there just wasn't space for him in s1. could this be a lie madeup on the spot bc people were calling it out? maybe. but how much of the fandom do you think are greens compared to team black and how much of those greens have read the books that they'd make such noise that somehow it was actually them that reminded the showmakers of daeron?

anyway yeah aemond WAS humanized and that's good. that's what you want from a weird, one dimensional history told by 3 sources. whether that means that they consciously took from daeron or not, it's not something we can know for sure. but imo the point of the show is to make all of the characters more nuanced and give them depth so imo there shouldn't be just one character that gets to play a role that's the "good one" as daeron is in the books, and i hope they do it with aegon too. however, to your credit, and i understand the frustration, aemond has been given some of aegon's stuff so it's possible.

this is what i'm saying though. i also don't agree with everything the prev anon said in terms of characters, but this type of talk is also what has started some division in the fandom of aegon vs aemond vs daeron vs whatever. like that one anon i had who called me gross names and were calling aemond "wallmart daeron" bc they were somehow both mad that i shipped helaemond and mad at aemond and helaena separately iirc.

#asks

9 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 3 years ago

Note

Hi, hope you don't mind me asking questions but I'll admit my government and legalize on this side is weaker and I'm watching multiple sources to try to get a clear idea on some of this but you also seem knowledgeable and passionate so also asking questions. Before the order to release the redacted affidavit many said it wouldn't happen cause they don't do that and from my understanding Trump never actually filed anything to have it happen. Do you think they did it to cut that argument before Trump could get followers to turn up the heat/donate money or why do you think/know they did that?

Well, it depends on who you mean by "many said," because the idiots on Twitter who are suddenly an expert on whatever socio- or geopolitical issue happens to be going on (COVID, electoral law, the war in Ukraine, gas prices, and now evidently the niceties and nuances of federal criminal investigations against former presidents) usually don't have a clue, and are just making up shit as they please. Plus, this is all in unprecedented territory, legally speaking, so actually nobody knows what's going to happen. We can make educated guesses (some, uh, more educated than others), but yeah, the peanut gallery of public opinion is especially bad as a barometer of such.

It's true, as far as I know, that they don't do this for most cases, but then, most cases aren't against, again, the former president of the USA who is under actual, literal investigation for treason, collaboration, sedition, plans to overthrow the government, etc. I mean, it sounds like a bad James Patterson novel; it's that far-fetched. The DOJ cited "public interest" in filing to release the warrant in the first place, because obviously it became a huge issue, Trump's crazy followers were busy threatening MORE treason (they just can't help themselves) and Trump himself is still the de facto head of a major American political party that has lurched wildly to the fascist right in the unfortunate few years since he came onto the scene. So there are a lot of levels here that simply aren't the case for ordinary DOJ proceedings (which lbr, nobody cares about anyway unless it's literally their job to do so). Hence, relying on "precedent" doesn't work here, because again... there is no precedent. This is totally new.

As I understand it, the DOJ moved to release the redacted affidavit because Trump was threatening to request it released UNredacted (since he's too much of a fucking idiot to stop making things worse for himself). He almost undoubtedly wanted this so his crazy followers could have access to the names of the FBI agent(s) who filed the affidavit and carried out the search, since the MAGAts have now declared war on the whole agency anyway. But seeing as almost the whole damn thing was blacked out, that means there's stuff in there that the DOJ can't release for fear of compromising their investigation and/or which is too sensitive for public dissemination (not surprising, given the materials involved). All of this is information which Trump may or may not know, and if he learns exactly what they have against him, he's obviously going to try to blow it up. So the DOJ made the move first to get permission to seal the original and only release the redacted version, because yet again, as with their whole "RELEASE THE WARRANT!" screaming that quickly went quiet when Merrick Garland called their bluff and did exactly that, they somehow think that actually releasing MORE proof will not be EVEN WORSE for them. Which, uh. Is not working the way they expected.

So yes: the DOJ needs to keep a lot of this stuff out of the public eye, they can't have it widely known for fear of compromising what they're doing against Trump, they need to protect the FBI people involved with this, and they obviously know that Trump's calls to RELEASE STUFF are only going to backfire on him, because everything that comes out only makes him look worse and worse (which was difficult, but here we are). So that's why they did it.

#hook-on-fandoms #ask #politics for ts #jesus fucking christ that is a whole lotta treason

22 notes · View notes

pretty-toru · 4 years ago

Text

bittersweet┆naoya zenin

୧ genre: break-up angst and smut

୧ wc: 1,918

୧ content warning: unprotected sex. vaginal sex. love marks. dubcon kinda. creampie. naoya being possessive and a lil rough.

୧ synopsis: he's desperately trying to cling onto you, and you know it's not fair to give him hope.

→ read part two here

When did you start turning to dust. Naoya always believed that he knows you better than yourself, but that couldn't have been further from the truth when you're gently soaring through the air and hiding in the glaring sunlight. Slowly slipping through his fingertips until his vacant grasp of nothingness blindsides him. Your souls that were once completely woven unravels itself and he feels his heart getting sore with every beat.

"I don't understand you right now." He rasps, hands balling into fists and his expression hardens like steel behind furrowed brows. All of the rational fibers in his being are screaming at him that this has to be some terrible joke you thought of to get back at him. Yet he knows you are incapable of being cruel so that circles him back to his first question.. what the fuck went wrong? He always thought you could be somebody that is forever, and nothing is making sense anymore.

"Explain to me so I can understand." His voice raises an octave, and he takes a step toward you and you falter in your steps as you move backward. His unwavering gaze still hold yours with a kind of intensity that makes it hard to focus on anything else but him. His hauntingly beautiful dark ambers fixate on your delicate features and you swallow the lump of ice that nearly shatters your resolve.

"Naoya-sama," you utter, though it came more like a whisper and you hate how small your voice sounded. He continues moving forward and before you know it, your back is against the wall with his hands planted on the surface on either side of your head. The flutter of your lashes steer away from him, "I'm sorry, but I need to end our relationship. I just don't love you anymore."

He cups your jaw and moves your face so you're met with his gaze again. You wanted to save yourself and Naoya from this heartache, but Naobito Zenin did not approve of a household maidservant distracting the next head of the Zenin clan, much less when he's already been arranged to marry another. And you learned to associate his name with crippling fear and the realization that he can make you disappear without a trace. 'Do you get it now? Don't interfere and stay where you belong.'

Your eyes burn with unshed tears, and you feel something inside break like the crackle before the ice shatters — it’s soft and subtle and terrible. "Is that true? Then look me in the eyes and say it again." Naoya's touch on your skin feels hot and searing, but you endure it for the sake of you both.

"I don't love you anymore." You say with more nuance, but the untold pain behind your eyes tells Naoya something else entirely. He always knew you were an incredibly awful liar, but the heaviness of his heart doesn't get any lighter and he needs to know that you weren't serious, that you still love him and someone was orchestrating this entire thing.

"Then why don't I believe you? Did my father put you up to this?" He grips your hand in his to serve as a reminder that it's just you and him here. You don't need to hide or push him away, you know what he's made of and he'll protect you like he promised many nights ago. But he needs to hear your truth, and not his father's words instilled in that pretty head of yours.

"Listen to yourself." You find the strength in your arms to push him away, but he barely moves an inch. "Don't you think we're getting in over our heads with this arrangement? You know we can't be anything more than this, and I can't keep expecting something to change because I know that it won't. So I'm begging you.. let's just end this here and now."

He catches your wrist when you try to shuffle away, and draws you back towards him with a soft thud and you're pressed against his chest. His arm wraps around you in a possessive hold, and his hand moves to grab your face firmly yet tenderly as he searches your eyes for something, anything that resembles the you he came to know and love with his entire heart.

"What exactly do I need to do? Tell me so I can fix it. I'll do everything I can. Please, I love you so fucking much. I don't want to lose you."

He's never been stubborn about anyone in his life until you came along. He doesn't know why he's so enamored by someone like you, but what he knows for certain is that nothing scares him more than losing you. He's desperately holding onto his feelings for you because he's afraid of what comes next. And he doesn't want to think anymore. He just wants to feel you against him, to make him feel better even if it's just for a fleeting moment.

His mouth is soft against yours and you lose your willpower to drive him away, melting in his arms as you wrap yourself around him. All you could hear is both your breathing and rushing hands to undo your yukata to relieve the sexual frustration that built up between you two. You moan inside his mouth when he slips his tongue through parted lips, and you want more of him to drown away your thoughts and sorrows of the eventual heartbreak.

"I care for you and I love you. Isn't that enough for you to stay?" His voice hoarse against your ear as he hoists your leg up and grinds his hardening cock against your soaked-panties. Littering sloppy kisses along your jawline and neck as your breath hitches and you try to suppress the lewd noises escaping you. His hand reaches down to elicit more of your soft moans as he roughly stimulates your clit and he simpers when you give into your pleasure. "Don't you love it when I touch you here? Won't you miss this when you're gone?"

He weaves through your loosened clothes and gropes your breast harshly when you don't answer him. Sucking particularly hard on the sweet spot near your jugular and your body tenses up against him. "Mmh. Y-yes, Naoya-sama." You're throbbing and wet thinking about the sheer bliss and lingering soreness when it's all over, and you know that you're too weak to resist him. But you promised yourself that this will be the last time Naoya Zenin touches you like this.

You're pushed down against the tatami mat as his beautiful body hovers over you, capturing your lips into another heated bruising kiss. His fingers wedge between you and your panties to remove the flimsy fabric and tosses it somewhere in the bedroom. Already having undone his hakama bottoms, he teases your folds with the flushed tip of his cock making you squirm delightfully and he presses himself against your entrance.

"Tell me how much you want me." He thrusts slightly forward, slow and deliberate in stretching your tight cunt. He loves watching your expression change when he's too big for you to take easily. The surrender in your eyes when there's nothing for you to do but take everything he gives you. "Tell me you love me and I'll give you a good reason to be a shaking whimpering little mess."

You gasp softly as your hands clench anything within reach. "God, I want you so much. Please, I want to feel your cock deep inside of me because I'm yours to take. I want you to show me that I belong to you and fill me with your cum because I love you. I love you. I love you so much it hurts." You make sure he can hear how much you mean it, leaving no doubt in his mind as you let out all those moans and screams while his shaft plunders your cunt over and over again. Your nails dig crescent moons into his back and he groans through his teeth, seizing your wrists and pinning them above your head.

You look so much prettier this way, completely helpless and vulnerable for him that he slowed down for a moment to appreciate the sight of you. "What a greedy little cunt you have. I bet no one can fuck you like I can. No one can make you scream like I can. I'm the only one who can make you feel this way. You're mine, and don't you forget that." He emphasizes the last part by moving his hand down to your neck and applying a bit of pressure around your throat.

He feels his dick twitch when you stare up at him with those gorgeous doe-eyes and nod slowly while he's pounding away. Your face reflects that delicious combination of lust, arousal and submissiveness he finds cute and sexy in women. And that's one of the many reasons why he was drawn to you. You're so beautiful and so perfect for him, he can't imagine anybody else to take your place. He'll make you feel so desperate and needy that your cunt yearns only for him.

"Do you love my cock so much that it's making you cry?" His thumb wipes away an errant tear that rolled down your flushed cheeks. You know that it's hard to seperate the act of sex from the expression of love, which makes it more painful for you to move on in the long run. But you wanted him one last time as closure even if it's selfish.. and yet it feels so phenomenal, and your body doesn't lie when his cock is buried deep inside you and brushes against the most sensitive places.

"N-no, I mean yes. I'm just sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't really mean it. I love you so much Naoya-sama, I won't disappoint you again." You feel the shame in telling half-truths as they fell easily from your swollen lips, and he leans down to kiss you more slowly and tenderly. More sweet and caring than you thought he was capable of as he murmurs promises you know he cannot keep for his father stands in the way between you two.

It doesn't take much longer until you're clinging onto him and clenching around him tightly as you came. The hazy room fills with your erratic pants and hopeless moans and his grunts as he continues to take his pleasure from your body. And you let him have his way with you until the night runs into morning. Offering yourself to him over and over again even in your post-orgasm daze until he stills in his movements and drains his warm seed inside you.

He removes himself from you leaving you feeling incredibly empty as his thick loads seep down from between your legs. His fingers still intertwined with yours even after riding out both your orgasms, and you catch him admiring you from the rush of afterglow feelings. You're the last thing he sees before he gives into the exhaustion and falls asleep knowing you won't melt away into the warm horizon of the sunrise.

'Marry me and we can finally be together.'

His last promise to you before he closes his eyes shut and holds onto a dream of all the things you and him could be. And you hope there's someone that could teach him how to forget that his only idea of love is you.

#naoya zenin x reader #zenin naoya x reader #naoya zenin #zenin naoya #naoya smut #jujutsu kaisen naoya #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines

430 notes · View notes